Madam Loo | Lou Christine, Novelist & Playwright

MADAM LOO’S PROFILES AND FORECAST IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

BY: LOUIS A. CHRISTINE

PROLOGUE

I was first met the amazing Madam Loo in 1979, just after a fabulous meal at Longhi’s, a trendy Lahaina bistro on the Island of Maui, in Hawaii.

The petite Chinese woman was sitting with maverick restaurateur, Bob Longhi. and they both shared what looked like a fabulous dessert. As I passed their table Bob called me over, saying he’d like to introduce me to a fan of mine. At the time I wrote a weekly-sports column for an island publication. Bob added, “I bet Madam Loo’s able to match your wits when it comes to sports! Grab a spoon, help us out with this mud pie.”

There sat Madam Loo, age-wise, somewhere in her mid fifties, but with an Oriental face with such texture that she boasted the youthful skin of a debutante. I was invited to sit down and help with the sweets and talk-story as they say in the islands. Thus began a fascinating relationship between Madam Loo and myself which probably changed my life forever.

Oh, that Bob Longhi was right on! She flabbergasted me with her vast knowledge of the sports world.

I would come to find out how Madam Loo was born in Shanghai, but then during the 30s, because of the invading Japanese, she was routed from her home and separated from her family.

Madam Loo arrived in the Hawaiian Islands as an in-rags refugee without a trace of American Culture. At first she struggled but she was a quick learner. Once self sufficient she met and then married an American jade trader from Chicago. She maintained contacts in China and when the war was over, and even after the revolution, Madam Loo and her husband took many journeys to the Orient and had privileged access to fine jade products, products out of reach for most people. In turn she became one of the world’s top experts in jade and and a often tapped trader in black pearls. The mid-Pacific location brought in distinct buyers from East and West.

Upon our meeting she was by then a wealthy widow who rarely ventured out of her swank island compound. By 1979, she spent most of her leisure time keeping track of the American sports scene. She took pleasure being able to watch sports in the daytime with the 6 hour time difference between Maui and the East Coast of the US mainland. While other woman were engrossed in TV soaps at that time of day, Madam Loo had on the Yankees and Red Sox or some other key Major League match up.

During the course of our first conversation she rattled off names of even the most obscure Heavy-Weight Boxing Champions, Heisman Trophy winners and tattooed me with a plethora of other sports tidbits. Out of somewhere she inquired about my date of birth?

“February 2, 1947,” I answered.

“Oh, so you’re a Pig! a Fire Pig at that,’ she stated.

I couldn’t hold back my tongue and in a polite way I said, “Where I come from being referred to a pig is considered somewhat insulting!”

“Oh, don’t be insulted, my friend, I’m complimenting you! . . . You see, I too am a pig, same as you, but I am a Water Pig, born in 1923, yet ’23 and ’47 are both Year of the Pig. You should be pleased, pigs are most fortunate. Besides, I never met a pig I didn’t like!”

My curiosity had been sparked and soon enough, as if I was lured to discover more what this woman had to say, I found myself venturing over to Madam Loo’s compound to take in sporting events, via the then miracle of satellite television.

While we watched the games, Madam Loo unraveled some of the nuances making up the social science of Chinese Astrology.

She revealed how Magic Johnson and Kareem Abdul Jabbar were a pair of pigs, one born in 1947, the other 1959. How her favorite, Larry Bird, was a Monkey, and so was Joe Montana, and how in her opinion, but with Chinese Astrology to back her up on how the best baseball players of all time were those born Year of the Goat, which included Babe Ruth, Willie Mays, Mickey Mantle, Jackie Robinson and Ernie Banks! When she stated that Rats had the swiftest feet and were the best all-time ice Hockey players and she said Gretsky and Bobby Orr and Messier were all Rats, she had me.

I can’t begin to tell you how many hours I spent with this fascinating woman, with her chain smoking cigarettes—me listening to her categorize each player matching them to their sign.

Soon enough I purchased reference books and together we expanded into other people-matching categories. Within the next few years, I suppose with me acting as her primary protege, I began massing my own list of prominent peoples; historical and noted celebrities of the past and present. Personally, I began zeroing in on individuals who touched my life on a daily basis.

Perhaps seeing me as someone to pass the torch to, Madam Loo encouraged me further. Within my own comparisons I began uncovering a slew of uncanny similarities such as a list of prominent actors and actresses born under the sign of the Ox. I discovered how Rats such as Shakespeare and Truman Capote wrote and discovering an as prominent list writing Rats as there were Acting Oxen. The deeper I searched, I uncovered traits distinctly germane to each of the 12 signs. I discovered much about myself

I believe I warmed the heart of my dear pig friend Madam Loo, in the late 80s, filling her in on how I was thinking about writing a book about what I learned from her, including what information I came up with on my own.

I’d like to note some personal insight about my study and the book that followed. When people inquire about their individual sign, or that of another, they often ask, “Is that sign good or bad?”

Realize there is no good and bad when it comes to signs; each has inbred positive traits and negative ones. It’s the animal in their heart. Critical review might read some of criticisms and interpret them as harsh. The negative is often exposed during a sign’s personal crisis, be aware of one’s shortcomings gives one an opportunity to correct themselves to maybe stave off further woes. Madam Loo always said, “Cut loses, make necessary corrections to take control back no matter how turbulent times might be,” primarily she warned, “because things can always get worse!”

This book does shed light on faults, not to degrade but so the reader is able to be aware of some of their sign’s pitfalls, like we don’t know already, but with understanding one might be able to smooth out some of the roughness of life when dealing in the day to day with other animal signs, especially with those close to us. I’d like to think the strengths and positive attributes of each sign are noted in equal fashion.

As for romance, one won’t find too much match-making in this study. Examples of explosive and tranquil matches are highlighted here and there but Madam Loo emphatically stated, “It is a sin to assassinate the opportunity for romance!” As committed as she was about Chinese Astrology, she was just as adamant about not mingling in the possibility of romance with her adopted philosophy. “Know your partner’s strengths and weaknesses,” she’d preach, “that’s all you really need to know when it comes to the heart.” If one becomes fan of Chinese Astrology as I have, one can find many reference books that have been written that deal with the romantic aspects of the signs. Sorry perhaps, one won’t find much of that here.

The study refuses to predict the future other than it does offer a generalized yearly forecast of what each animal sign might expect. Both Madam Loo and myself have always said we wouldn’t place our heads in the oven over this social science. Besides, how often has one read their personal horoscope in the newspaper and how often do those suppossed forecasts pan out? The deep roots of Chinese Astrology are mathematical and an investigation by many wise sages that has taken place over many centuries. The folklore aspects add flavor and permit laymen in on some of the findings. As a born skeptic I have been left with no choice but to pay attention and Chinese Astrology has enriched my life, plus it’s fun and wholesome.

Behind these pages I desire to share with you those findings. Of course, please bear in mind it’s from a Pig’s perspective.

Copyrighted by Lou Christine 2003

MADAM LOO’S: PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY RATS CHARMING, CUNNING, RUNNING RATS

1900—1912—1924—1936—1948—1960—1972—1984—1996

According to Chinese Astrology, Buddha invited all the animals living in the forest to a special gathering. He only communicated with the animals after discovering humans at first were skeptical about his philosophy. While he and the animals were situated beneath the jacaranda trees, Buddha pontificated, sharing his wisdom and foresight.

Twelve of the forest’s animals took to heart the teachings of Buddha. As a reward for their adherence, according legend, Buddha allocated a specific year for each of his 12-new disciples. In addition, he bestowed 12-distinct, personalities which would blossom and perpetually reoccur during yearly cycles, beginning with the Year of the Rat.

Annually, each animal’s influence would come into play. The new year for each of the 12 animals commences during the new moon in the Aquarius sky, first recorded by the Chinese almost 5000 years ago.

Since new moons don’t appear on an exact date, each animal’s reign begins-and-ends sometime in late-January or until mid-February, a reign which concludes during the following year’s new moon in Aquarius.

Madam Loo always made a point of saying, “Fully understanding those nuances aren’t essential for one to enjoy the social science of Chinese Astrology, that is unless one wishes to crunch mathematical calculations. Yet within the scope of Chinese Astrology comparing personalities of the mixed batch of animals isn’t what one would call a precise science.”

Chinese folklore placed the Rat as the first animal on the scene. Therefore the Rat is the charter member. As centuries passed and the habits of this first sign have been more scrutinized the Rat is given credit for optimizing opportunities.

Chinese Astrology has taught how Rats are perceived as gifted, talented while remaining true to their curious nature. They’re swift physically and with a mental sharpness providing for themselves a life that is full-steam ahead. Rats do play heads up and they possess special intuitions, especially those pertaining to their own good.

Rats’ “for-sure” attitude reinforces their own grasp onto elitism. Perhaps the chant “We’re number one!” was initiated by the confident Rat.

Their sure feet and blazing speed are a Rat’s strong suit. Skillful ice-skaters such as Sonja Henie, Peggy Flemming and Hall of Fame professional hockey players Bobby Orr, Mark Messier and Wayne Gretzky, are examples of Rats propped on sturdy feet. Graceful dancers Gene Kelly, Danny Kaye and Juliet Prouse, further substantiate the Rat’s grace and how they rely on leg power.

It’s no coincidence they make incredible American football players, especially excelling when playing the position of running-back. Jim Brown, Eric Dickerson, Marcus Allen, Darrell Greene, Terry Bradshaw, John Elway and Jim Thorpe are footballers who have established themselves in the record books.

Then there is the mental aspect. The Rat sign is packed with an impressive line up of famous playwrights and authors. William Shakespeare, Charlotte Bronte, Leo Tolsky, T.S. Eliot, Raymond Chandlier, Christopher Marlowe, Margaret Mitchell, Truman Capote, Zane Grey, Larry McMurtry, Leon Uris, Terry Southern and Eugene O’Neal are all part of a long list.

Behind those whiskers has been a myriad of elusive icons who have been credited for achieving precisely what they desire and seemingly they have done so on the most part while avoiding rat traps. It’s not often they’re collared. At the scene of the crime evidence will left-behind, clues that offers detractors something substantial to build a case against the Rat.

Madam Loo says Rats’ possess a built-in radar, a protective devise that suppresses their hunger, just before they chomp down on an errant hunk of lip-smacking cheese laced with rat poison.

The ambitious side of the Rat insists that their speed works to their advantage—especially when it comes to self preservation. Madam Loo’s no gambler, yet she’s willing to wager not many Rats, if any at all, went down on the Titanic—no need for prompting. It would be rare to find a Rat motorist passively sitting and stuck in the right lane of traffic a mile away from the expressway’s exit. No way! A Rat’s inert aggressiveness thrusts him/her to the front of the line rather than waiting until it’s their turn. It’s a stand-out trait not always appreciated by those who were once ahead of them, yet it’s an inherent practice nevertheless that Rats apply to the everyday, which enables them to attain lofty goals.

Rats aren’t normally pegged as altruistic. Those who pay attention to their spending habits will attest to such. Rightfully or wrongfully, they’re often tagged as misers.

There are a slew of examples when successful Rats with talent-and-fame find themselves despised substantiated by various stories and tales which have accused them of being such.

Madam Loo says Rats born in the daytime have less hectic lives than those born in the night. Those born in the light of the day don’t have to deal with the pressures that occur under the cover of darkness. That’s when Rats depart the den and hunt outside their hovels which is noted to be their most hectic time frame. At night they’re sometimes forced to fight in order to survive. We all know how they refuse to be cornered. It is then, with their back up against the wall, that they flash a gutsy will to fight. World wide, such a reputation strikes fear into potential opponents.

Examples of Rats who have shown no reason to turn the other cheek, aggravate and then fight: Brian Gumble, Prince Charles, Sally Struthers, Richard Simmons, Aaron Burr, Tipper Gore, Mayor Koch, Dick Cavett, Truman Capote, Marion Barry, Richard Nixon, Khomeini, Dennis Hopper and Alexander Haig . . . just a sprinkling of those who have been scorned.

Seems with all the talent and fame, this sign boasts an impressive short list of sneaks and liars. Rat scoundrels are heralded and chastised. Annals highlight some of their underhanded ways. They’re capable of unleashing the most deplorable means. “No doubt about it there is such a thing as a ‘Dirty Rat.'”

Even when intentions are good, collectively their chorus of constant wanting tones, their antics can become as annoying as nails screeching across a blackboard. The Rat’s overt drool is obvious. It’s a trait which tends to infuriate certain detractors and there will be many.

We can’t be too hard on them. Rats within their cozy dens are amazingly lovable and not shy about displaying affection. Despite reputation, tender Rat scenes portray them as close-knit, especially with family members.

The cute ones get away with their shenanigans. They’ve fastened themselves as darlings in their parents eyes. They’re cuddled and loved dearly. Normally they get-along well with siblings. Rats place brothers and sisters children and parents squarely on the receiving end of a cornucopia of endearments.

When it comes to friendships they insist upon absolute loyalty, an attribute which doesn’t always run concurrently. If during such an allegiance they suspect the slightest betrayal, regardless of the intentions, they’ll remain unforgiving and cast that subject in the state of ‘persona non grata’ perhaps for all time.

In regard to their financial survival, Rats are thrifty, very-very thrifty, rather it be while out-and-about during a buddy-buddy outing, or at a business lunch. Rat’s aren’t normally the splurging kind who pick up tabs. If one is looking to capture a Rat’s attention, don’t bother to send flowers or purchase fine champagne, just offer them a fabulous bargain. A Rat will drop everything for the right deal.

Cleansed and well groomed, we find Rats sitting in the front of the class, cleverly sporting smiles and offering the teacher a cart-load of apples. Popular, along with their Goat cousins, Rats are often first to arrive at trendy parties.

They’re curious and thrive on juicy gossip. Yet despite being nosy, their own playing hands are mostly kept close to their little-fuzzy chests, never ones to shed exposing light on their own lives. If things become sticky and they’re about to be liable when conflicting interests surface; the Rat might be forced to cut losses and set everything and everyone adrift.

It might prove unwise to reveal one’s darkest secrets towards a Rat, even if the Rat’s ear shapes itself as consolatory. They could be loading up. Watch out! Don’t forget a Rat listens first, then cater to their own needs. If they become opponents, they then possess a get-even ability to add to woes. Strategy kicks in, rather it be below the belt or in the face, or behind the back. Don’t always blame them—they can’t help it—they’re fixed on automatic pilot.

Collectively working in a pack while camouflaging any sense of weaknesses, they remain poised, ready to storm the gates for all that Rat booty.

Bear in mind the world has been full of loving, caring, courageous Rats. Jimmy Carter, JFK Jr., Helen Hayes, F.W. deKlerk, and James Baldwin carried the Rat’s guide on with humility, pride and performance.

RAT PACK

GERRY ADAMS BEN AFFLECK ANNA MARIE ALBERGHETTI ALAN ALDA MARCUS ALLEN CAROL ALT

MAXWELL ANDERSON

URSALA ANDRESS CHRISTINA APPLEGATE LOUIS ARMSTRONG

LAUREN BACALL JAMES BALDWIN ANTONIO BANDERAS

MARION BARRY KATHY BATES INGRID BERGMAN

IRVING BERLIN VALERIE BERTINELLI RUBIN BLADES

BONO RAY BORQUE TERRY BRADSHAW

MARLON BRANDO CHARLOTTE BRONTE JIM BROWN

TRISHA BROWN JACKSON BROWNE AARON BURR

GEORGE BUSH RUTH BUZZI RICHARD BYRD TRUMAN CAPOTE DAVID CARRADINE JIMMY CARTER

ROSEMARY CASALS STEVE CAUTHEN DICK CAVETT

WILT CHAMBERLAIN RAYMOND CHANDLER MAURICE CHEVALIER

JULIA CHILD ARCHIBALD COX ROGER CRAIG

DORIS DAY BOBBY DARIN RUBY DEE

F.W. DeKLERK GERALD DEPARDIEU CAMERON DIAZ

ERIC DICKERSON DON DRYSDALE ALEXANDER DUMAS`

NANCY DUSSAULT JULIE NIXON EISENHOWER T.S. ELIOT

HECTOR ELIZONDO JOHN ELWAY LINDA FIORENTINO

BARRY FITZGERALD PEGGY FLEMING LOUISE FLETCHER

NINA FOCH GLEN FREY GALLILEO

AL GORE TIPPER GORE LOU GOSSETT, JR.

HUGH GRANT DARRELL GREENE WAYNE GRETZKY

ZANE GREY LEFTY GROVE BRYANT GUMBEL

MATA HARI ALEXANDER HAIG ANFERNEE HARDAWAY NATHANIEL HAWTHORN HELEN HAYES CHARLTON HESTON

HEINRICH HIMMLER BEN HOGAN BUDDY HOLLY

GIL HODGES DENNIS HOPPER IAN HUNTER

LEE IACOCCA CARL ICAHN JEAN INGRES

JEROMY IRONS GLENDA JACKSON JOAN JETT DANNY KAYE GENE KELLY JIM KELLY

JOSEPH P. KENNEDY KHOMEINI MARGOT KIDDER

DON KNOTTS ED KOCH

KRIS KRISTOFFERSON MICHAEL LANDON IVAN LENDL

ART LINKLETTER JACK LONDON SUSAN LUCCI

SIDNEY LUMET GREGG LUGAINAS JOHN MADDEN

DIEGO MARADONA CHRISTOPHER MARLOW JOHN MCCAIN

LARRY McMURTRY MARK MESSIER MARGARET MITCHELL CLAUDE MONET QUEEN MOTHER LOUIS MOUNTBATTEN MOZART BESS MYERSON BYRON NELSON HARRIET NELSON STEVIE NICKS PAT NIXON RICHARD NIXON CARROL O’CONNOR EUGENE O’NEAL SHAQUILLE O’NEILL BOBBY ORR GERALDINE PAGE BRAD PARK MINNIE PEARL SEAN PENN RHEA PERLMAN BERNADETTE PETERS ROBERT PLANT PRINCE CHARLES JULIET PROWSE PHYLICIA RASDAD B. B. REBOZO WILLIAM REHNQUIST BURT REYNOLDS CAL RIPKEN, JR. JOHN RITTER RIVALDO JOAN RIVERS KNUTE ROCKNE AUGUSTE RODIN MERCEDES RUEHL TODD RUNDGREN EVA MARIE SAINT ATOINE ST-EXUPERY YVES ST. LAURENT CARLOS SALINIS FRANK SERPICO WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE RICHARD SIMMONS SAM SNEAD JAMES SPADER RICHARD STRAUSS SALLY STRUTHERS GEORGE STEPHANOPOULOS DONNA SUMMER JAMES TAYLOR STUDS TERKEL CLARENCE THOMAS JIM THORPE LEO TOLSKY HENRI TOULOUSE-LAUTREC SPENCER TRACY GARY TRUDEAU LEON URIS SARAH VAUGHN JULES VERNE JOSEPH WAMBAUGH DINAH WASHINGTON GEORGE WASHINGTON ANDREW LLOYD WEBBER DIANE WIEST ` THOMAS WOLFE

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR RATS DURING YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1. 2003 we enter the Year of the Goat. For the Rat, whose finances have seemed somewhat iffy for the past few years, the sky clears somewhat and rays of sunshine help dry up some debt. The Rat, who flourishes during times of brisk enterprise, is bolstered by such an atmosphere. They buy low and sell high, save some, spend some and re stabilize accounts. Deals that were pitched by the Rat some time ago, come to fruition out of the clear blue. The right people suddenly appear, those with assets or abilities finally might agree to align themselves with the Rat.

As for personal relationships, especially those of the heart, the Year of the Goat can become a bumpy ride for the Rat. Jealousy, doubt, misgivings might surface during this year. When it comes to feelings that others might or might not bestow upon the romantic Rat, they just can’t be sure where they stand. Don’t waste time with the old she loves me, or he loves me not routine. The idea of doubt is the key and should tip off the Rat about the feeling imbuing from others and in those cases the Rat should cut the losses and seek new targets of their Rat affections.

MADAM LOO’S: PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

OXEN

STRONG AS AN OX

1901—1913—1925—1937—1949—1961—1973—1985—1997

The Oxen: Here’s sheer willpower rising above the masses in a methodical manner. Both physically and mentally, no sign displays more-might, more-power, more-determination anywhere, anyplace, in any era, than that of the straight-ahead Oxen.

These people valiantly display enormous drive to hammer home their convictions. Those born under the sign of the Ox need not concern themselves with the threat of being persuaded off their set in stone positions. They remain absolutely committed when it comes to unfolding a solid game plan.

Because of their “my-way, or-no-way” stand, they may not at first prompt patrons to help launch their programs, especially during humble beginnings.

At first those ideas might be rejected. Oxen aspirations are often scoffed, even indicted, then tried, convicted and possibly sentenced with some of the charges stemming from within the ranks of their own contemporaries.

With such betrayal Oxen might desire to isolate themselves, hiding away, while reevaluating and setting the stage for the future. That’s OK with the Ox. Loneliness does not debilitate the bull headed. No papal blessing is sought. They achieve even if they have to lug their way or go sideways, even if they have to pound out their convictions without popular support. Eventually a sincere and steadfast work ethic stands out, and because the Oxen sets a sterling example, they’ll eventually recruit those once sought-after admirers.

Still, beforehand, they’ll have both real and proverbial rocks tossed their way. Regardless of bumps in the road, all along the path and amongst this thick-skinned yoke, we won’t find many cry-babies. It’s unlikely to find a roughed-up Ox lamenting after defeat. They’re rarely in search of sympathy, and are a far cry from being finger pointers. They take their licks and stand by their beliefs.

Oxen attain goals the old fashioned way—by the numbers. No gamblers here—they’re rudimentary. Luck won’t be counted on. In lieu of counting on good fortune Oxen predict the only way to pave a smooth road is due to back-breaking, old-fashioned, roll-up-your-sleeves drudgery, “The Way,” is a no-nonsense tug-a-war towards eventual prosperity. No magic. No secret formulas.

Oxen people are fabulous cooks They properly measure and follow recipes. They never peek into the oven until the proper time. They have the patience of farmers. They also have a penchant for appreciating architecture and admire just how things are erected. These people ally themselves on the most part with proven theories rather than those of the speculative herd.

A tale states how when,Buddha called for the animal quorum, and after getting the particulars,and after giving the calling adequate scrutiny; the Oxen summed up that the great philosopher might be on to something above and beyond. The Oxen scheduled itself in to be at Buddha’s doorstep come the next day.

Two stories surface, and according to Chinese Astrology folklore, the Rat tricked the Ox, lying about the correct time, saying the get-together was to be later than actually scheduled. And then that dirty Rat went ahead, beat out the Ox and showed up first. Therefore the Oxen found itself for all eternity placed as number two.

Another tale states about the Rat’s concern for security and how it pleaded to the Ox and rode upon the sturdy Ox, insuring its own arrival at the gathering since it was daytime. Then the Rat adhered to its own nature, leaping off the Ox just beforehand, leaving it behind while sprinting to Buddha’s feet, cheating the Ox out of its number-one position.

Oxen have those two, egg-on-your face experiences etched within their sense of mistrust and have never forgotten those incidents. With the memory of an elephant the Ox has remained skeptical.

For the most part they are punctual and organized. Oxen children might be more apt to stick with the disciplines needed for learning classical piano, ballet, Latin, or Japanese, despite the apparent degrees of difficulty.

Bull-headed determination is perhaps why they achieve new heights. For some reason, perhaps within the scope of Chinese Astrology we’ve discovered that they especially shine when performing on the stage. An impressive list of film and TV celebrities has this sign packed with sensational characters born under the Sign of the Ox.

They’re tough demanding leaders. And they don’t have to be anointed by a higher command. They’ll establish their own foothold soon enough. The target of their focus can not stave off their persistence and opponents finally cave into them.

Oxen do make worthwhile assistants even though they have a tendency to become somewhat arbitrary.

Iron-fisted leaders such as Adolph Hitler, Saddam Hussein, Geronimo, Jimmy Hoffa, Napoleon, Pancho Villa, Cortes, Pol Pot and Malcolm X, are staunch examples. Professional football coach Vince Lombardi, willed players towards championships.

Oxen have no qualms about asking for more. They constantly strive for mates and contemporaries to produce in an never-ending cycle. The adage, “what you did for me yesterday has nothing to do about what you should provide today and tomorrow is always in vogue when attempting to please the Ox. If the Oxe’s memory were just a little longer, subordinates or lovers of the Ox might remain faithful till the end of time. You see, their agenda, is the only agenda.

An Oxen’s stringent slant on things remains paramount throughout the duration of their quest and for their lifetime. Everything takes a back seat to perfection, including romance.

It may not be fair to completely categorize those born under this sign as total totalitarians. Bear in mind the mentioned above actions are mostly due to pure and unbending principals, right or wrong, with a foresight that has elevated Oxen towards towering positions. That dedication, hinged to determination, just might be the “cause” in itself. It’s a straight ahead and up the middle ramrodding punctuated by idealistic spun “effects.”

During the trek, and even while at the pinnacle of power, Oxen tend to shy away from material gain. No other ingredient or gain overshadows their personal satisfaction than that of the attainment of power and persuasion.

Oxen respect expertise. When they need to complete a mission, they hear all mavens out. Once satisfied they’re armed with the proper information they take their own path. Once they believe they’ve become experts themselves, Oxen take stern issue with those who disagree with their methods. They are independent thinkers. Once attaining power there’s a tendency to become dictatorial. They police their own territory with a critical eye. They’re serious people and not to be toyed with.

Within their herd we won’t find many basketball players or tap dancers. Oxen aren’t ones to ad-lib. Note: Ox people are ultra-caring parents and it’s normally the Ox parent who sets the agenda.

YOKE OF OXEN

MADELINE ALBRIGHT DAVEY ALLISON HANS CHRISTIAN ANDERSON JOHANN BACH KLAUS BARBIE COMMADORE BARRY

MENACHAN BEGIN YOGI BERRA WERNER VON BRAUN

BEAR BRYANT ART BUCHWAL WILLIAM F. BUCKLEY

BARBARA BUSH NADIA CAMANECI KING JUAN CARLOS

SCOTT CARPENTER OLEG CASSINI ORLANDO CEPEDA

WARREN CHRISTOPHHER BOBBY CLARKE JOHNNY COCHARAN

HERNAN CORTES GLENN DAVIS JOHN EHRLICHMAN

MEDGAR EVERS GERALD FORD GEORGE FORMAN

ERLE STANLEY GARNER GERONIMO ADOLPH HITLER

DAVID HOCKNEY JIMMY HOFFA LARRY HOLMES

LOU HOLTZ DON HUDSON H.L. HUNT

SADDAM HUSSEIN BRUCE JENNER ANTHONY KENNEDY

ROBERT F. KENNEDY RUDYARD KIPLING ELMORE LEONARD

CARL LEWIS MONICA LEWINSKY ERIC LINDROS

MARTY LIQUIORI VINCE LOMBARDI NICCOLO MACHIAVELLI ANDRE MALRAUX DAN MARINO WILLIE MARSCONI

DON MATTINGLY WILLIE McCOVEY MARGARET MEAD

JOHN MITCHELL NAPOLEON NEHRU BENJAMIN NETANYAHU JOHN OATES TOM OSBOURNE

WILLIAM PALEY LINUS PAULING DREW PEARSON

POL POT COLIN POWELL KIRBY PUCKETT

RENOIR DENNIS RODMAN RUBENS

ERICH SEGAL BORIS SPASSKY MARK SPITZ

MARGARET THATCHER JOE THEISMAN ISIAH THOMAS HUNTER S. THOMPSON HENRY DAVID THOREAU TOJO

TOJO PETER UEBERROTH VINCENT VAN GOGH GORE VIDAL

PANCHO VILLA REGGIE WHITE LENNIE WILKINS

JAMES WORTHY FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT WILBUR WRIGHT MALCOM X ` W.B. YEATS STEVE YOUNG

ACTING AND ENTERTAINING OXEN

One of the most remarkable similarities when comparing Chinese signs is a magnanimous trait illuminating from Oxen people. They have excelled in the craft of acting and within the grand field of entertainment. Perhaps having the ability to manifest as somebody else, by being someone different for the sake of drama, is something they’re able to pull off convincingly. Forty-six Oscar winners have been born under the Sign of the Ox, nearly twice as many than any of the other eleven signs.

Show business is their business.

It’s not that Oxen are showoffs. Their personalities are such that they actually shun the limelight, yet numbers speak for themselves. Some of our most dynamic entertainers have been born under this sign. During the last century every twelve-year cycle has produced a time-tested icon in the acting field spring from the ranks of the Ox. 1889—Charley Chaplin, 1901—Gary Cooper and Clark Gable, 1913—Burt Lancaster, 1925—Jack Lemmon, Paul Newman and Angela Lansbury, 1937—Jack Nicholson and Dustin Hoffman, 1949—Meryl Streep and Sissy Spacek, 1961—Woody Harrelson, Michael J. Fox and Eddie Murphy, 1973—Juliette Lewis.

SHOW BIZ OXEN

LOLA ALBRIGHT ROBERT ALTMAN RICHARD DEAN ANDERSON

VLADAMIR ASHKENENZY ARMAN ASSANTE EMANUEL AX

JIM BACKUS SCOTT BAIO WENDIE BARRIE

WARNER BAXTER* WARREN BEATTY*** ED BEGLEY*

HARRY BELAFONTE JOHN BELUSHI CHUCK BERRY

CHARLES BICKFORD SIR RUDOLPH BING BEN BLUE

JEFF BRIDGES GERADINE BROOKS LENNY BRUCE

RICHARD BURTON MCDONALD CAREY GEORGE CARLIN

ERIC CARMEN KEITH CARRADINE JOHNNY CARSON

GABY CASADESUS CARMEN CAVALLARO CHARLIE CHAPLIN*

RAE DAWN CHONG DANE CLARK GEORGE CLOONEY

NATALIE COLE PERRY COMO GARY COOPER**

BILL COSBY JEANNE CRANE CELIA CRUZ

TONY CURTIS*

SAMMY DAVIS JR. SANDY DENNIS MARLENE DIETRICH REBECCA DeMORNAY JOYCE DeWITT WALT DISNEY*

MELVYN DOUGLAS** MIKE DOUGLAS SHELLY DUVALL

ROBERT ENGLUND ERIK ESTRADA MELISSA ETHERIDGE

MORGAN FAIRCHILD FREDDIE FENDER JANE FONDA**

MICHAEL J. FOX MORGAN FREEMAN CLARK GABLE**

JOE GARAGIOLA JOHN GARFIELD TERRI GARR

DAVE GARROWAY RICHARD GERE WHOOPIE GOLDBERG*

STUART GRANGER SHECKY GREEN MERV GRIFFIN

HARRY GUARDINO JACK GUILFORD MERLE HAGGARD

LIONEL HAMPTON WOODY HARRELSON JULIE HARRIS

MAREIL HEMINGWAY BENNY HILL DUSTIN HOFFMAN**

HAL HOLBROOK ANTHONY HOPKINS* ROCK HUDSON

JOHN HURT TIMOTHY HUTTON * KATE JACKSON

SAMUEL L. JACKSON BILLY JOEL DON JOHNSON

CAPTAIN KANGEROO GEORGE KENNEDY* B.B. KING

BRUNO KIRBY STANLEY KRAMER* ALAN LADD

FRANKIE LAINE HEDY LAMAR BURT LANCASTER*

JESICA LANGE** k.d. LANGE ANGELA LANSBURY

GYPSY ROSE LEE VIVIEN LEIGH* JACK LEMMON**

LINDA LEVIN JULIETTE LEWIS JUDITH LIGHT

JUNE LOCKHART HEATHER LOCKLEAR SHELLY LONG TRINI LOPEZ TINA LOUISE PATTI LuPONE

KARL MALDEN* WYNTON MARSALIS JAMES MACARTHER

ELIZABETH McGOVERN MAUREEN McGOVERN MELINA MECOURI

DINA MERRILL ARTHUR MILLER CARMEN MIRANDA

MARY TYLER MOORE WES MONTGOMERY EDDIE MURPHY

PATRICIA NEAL* PAUL NEWMAN* JACK NICHOLSON***

JOHN OATES HUGH O’BRIEN BILLY OCEAN

GWENETH PALTROW* FESS PARKER SAM PECKINPAH* ELIZABETH PERKINS SUSZANNE PLESHETTE CARLO PONTE TYRONE POWER ANTHONY QUAYLE BONNIE RAIT ROBERT REDFORD** CLIFF ROBERTSON* STANLEY KRAMER ROSEMARIE GENA ROWLANDS SOUPY SALES PETER SELLERS PAUL SHAFER GARY SHANDLING RED SKELTON TOMMY SMOTHERS SISSY SPACEK* TORI SPELLING BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN* MAUREEN STAPLETON* ROD STEIGER* LEE STRASSBERG MERYL STREEP** ED SULLIVAN PHILLIP MICHAEL THOMAS DANNY THOMAS LEA THOMPSON MEL TORME

TWIGGY LINDSAY WAGNER DENNIS WEAVER

FRITZ WEAVER SIGOURNEY WEAVER BILLY DEE WILLIAMS

HANK WILLIAMS JR. NANCY WILSON JONATHON WINTERS

JANE WYMAN* GIG YOUNG* LORETTA YOUNG**

(*) denotes Oscar Winner

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR OXEN DURING YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003, the decisive Ox enters Year of the Goat. The Ox might feel as if it’s stuck the doldrums. Seems as if nothing jump starts or moves forward, or completes itself. The Ox can go ahead and try to fit the square peg into the round hole or just decide to call time out and take a vacation. We know how the Ox depends on progress.

And the Ox will receive little comfort from taking stock, because the silos may have suffered seepage and inventories might not be what they once were. It is a clear dilemma for a sign that is so focused who normally calculates every move and decision beforehand. How could the Ox find itself in such a fix? The might turn to apathy. Apathy might be the answer in order to permit destiny to take its course because the Ox won’t be able to alter the sideways moving trend that takes place during Year of the Goat. As for health and relationship, the silver lining is that the Ox will be loved, and have the wherewithal to offer love back during the Year of the Goat.

MADAM LOO’S PROFILES AND FORECAST IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

TIGERS

POWERFUL HUMBLE TIGERS

1902—1914—1926—1938—1950—1962—1974—1986—1998

As for emotion Tigers are the true King of the jungle. Their senses become stirred, irritated or threatened and then they pounce not always able to control their enormous strength. This valiant sign suppresses with a hair-trigger constantly finds itself exercising self discipline over unbridled emotion and likely will face such a challenge for a lifetime. Enlightened Tigers understand their sensitivity and for the good of all at time they hold back. Instead of reacting the smarter Tigers latches onto the dignity within one’s life. Still, their restraint for them is gut wrenching when choosing to ignore trouble.

From where do these sterling traits come? What has force presses the Tiger’s sensitivity button? The questions might be, is it a prudent restraint or an inner fear, realizing what even might be a righteous call to action may cost way more than the net worth of the subject at hand?

Perhaps one way to explain why Tigers are a tinder is because during a lifetime, with them as observers, they’ve witnessed the injustices and prejudice taking place in the world. Images depicting mankind’s sufferings linger in their minds and have scalded the insides of their feline hearts.

The stabbing unfairness taking place towards the downtrodden infuriates Tiger, forcing them to the edge. Such frustration is so unsettling, that even during the course of a heated conversation or debate, they might be tempted to turn over tables. They’ve seen it all first hand and can’t rid themselves of a certain responsibility towards the masses.

When they’ve witnessed enough, they’re no longer willing to digest the tainted—tossed meat by the disingenuous. They’re not for the caging. They choose to break loose those imprisoned, or break away themselves.

Yet there’s an aloofness that shouldn’t be ignored and disrespected, because when a Tiger chooses to react there’s are inert scales of justice formulating. The action Tiger takes is a non-partisan stance on what they perceive as the side of good. Tigers may even shun previous allies if they sense those allies have been corrupted.

Undaunted, the idealistic Tiger insists, “There just has to be something clean’ brewing, even from inside a slimy pot of sewage called mankind.”

That gleam they flash of exhilaration only comes after making a decision brought on by optimistic expectations—with fate as it is—that exhilaration might soon-enough be wiped off their positive faces when the pragmatic side of the Tiger determines there’s nothing but ‘filth.’

Their princely principals are dedicated towards all in need Tigers insist on playing fair. It’s almost impossible for a Tiger to accept a jaded victory. Expect Tigers to root for the underdog. On too many occasions they’re affiliated with the losing side. Yet it’s usually with unheralded honor.

(For the Tiger: Conquests hold no meaningful merit unless they’re noble—the notion of others cheating is considered despicable, more so than any other human shortcoming.)

This magnificent sign is full of soft-spoken dignified leaders. They’re a passionate proud. Humble, low key, good family people, the walls of the Tiger’s den is less likely to boast framed diplomas or staged photographs with them yukking it up with famous people. Instead, those decorated walls will show past cherished moments with family and friends.

The clowder of humble lead by example. Sounds too good to be true? Try this on for size: They aren’t ones to borrow money or ask favors.

Tigers do exhibit their emotions, and as alluded to; they muster with discipline the knack to suppress the dark side. They gather their composure in a diplomatic manner. When negotiations fail and there are no other options, the paw of the Tiger then draws its line in the sand if only to see where others line up.

The old adage fits, “Still waters run deep.” Yet the Tiger is hardly predictable. This sign hums and provides for themselves an inner satisfaction when changing routine. They alter timetables and toss away what have become antiquated methods for newer ones.

Tigers do achieve tasks with a certain consistency, both by desire and a iron-clad will, that neither seems to quit or tire. Unharnessed energy pumps inside the Tiger’s tank. They climb the highest mountains and dive into the deepest deep.

Tigers complete tasks. They prepare, strive and push their shy side to gain alliances. They’ll tolerate, for a time, the usual setbacks and do so with patience, regardless of being annoyed and frustrated.

Despite achievements, despite the fame, despite good senses and best intentions: There’s a certain tinge of sadness and disappointment hinging itself to the Tiger persona.

It’s as if there’s a esoteric curse or a haunting infiltrates Tigers lives. Marilyn Monroe Isadora Duncan and Natalie Woods’ premature deaths are examples. Even when those gifted and talented Tigers leap and land on the very spot deserved for champions—it seems on too many occasions they’re denied full-fledged laurels. The crowning glory for unknown reasons becomes tarnished and it loses the earned luster, then shrivels and dies.

Yankee great Lou Gehrig, the “Iron Horse,” was struck down at the height of his baseball career—the medical world would later name such a devastating illness in his honor, namely “Lou Gerhrig’s Disease.”

Pop singer, Teddy Pendergrass, is now sentenced to a lifetime in a wheel chair because of a freak automobile accident. Joe DiMaggio, the quintessential champion and the nicest of guys who married Marilyn Monroe—yet he lost at love with Marilyn.

Injustice haunts them. Tiger, Fidel Castro, has never been forgiven by The United States Government. Vietnam’s liberator, Ho Chi Min, became miffed when the US. didn’t side with his faction after his home-spun revolution. As history notes, he eventually turned towards the Soviet Union and thus we had the Vietnam conflict.

What about Judge Lance Ito, a nice guy, now much maligned?

As of this date professional athletes and sure to be Hall of Famers; Patrick Ewing, Herschel Walker, John Stockton and Karl Malone have been denied major professional championships. Only recently has Roger Clemens, Akeem Oliguwan and his long-time waiting Tiger team-mate Clyde Drexler achieved theirs. Jerry Lewis, despite his efforts has not been able to check Multiple Sclerosis. . . . Ted Turner is the exception perhaps?

(Author’s note: Chinese Astrology profiles magnifies the sign which lives inside the animal person’s heart. For rhyme or reason mentioned Chinese attributes or personality flaws won’t always evolve. The animal sign’s emerging personality may have been suppressed by events during the early stage of life. The forming of a personality and how it relates to Chinese Astrology may be superseded by dramatic occurrences, or a dominating mentor that may vary or change a life path. On the whole, and in a large percentage of people sharing the same animal sign, the uncanny similarities do follow suit. Ted Turner happens to be a credible example of the non-example. Madam Loo wouldn’t call Turner a Stirling example of a Tiger. We wouldn’t hold it against Ted one bit though.)

Within this chapter and throughout the remainder of this book examples of a sign’s personality are detailed. We emphasize that Madam Loo’s slant on athletes pertaining to Tiger’s sign is by no coincident . When sizing up the Tiger we are often peering into the heart of a noble warrior. Hopefully athletes will emerge as the modern warrior.

Some readers of Madam Loo’s Profiles in Chinese Astrology might ask: Why are athletes mentioned so often and what is the significance? . . Athletes, by being instinctive, along with the nature of their games and while in the throes of competition perform extemporaneously in what appears to be some choreographed unscripted drama. Instances of jubilance, regret, failure, stupidity and valor pontaneously erupt at any given moment and fact are that only by witnessing events taking place on the battlefield can more light be shed on the will of man to win or survive.

During the ‘60s, as a Major League baseball player, Curt Flood’s sense of injustice gnawed at his conscience. He took a bold step, courageously suing Major League Baseball’s Reserve Clause, a then iron-clad policy mandating players remain with a team regardless of what other teams might be willing to offer. Yet, owners were free to trade players amongst themselves. Flood exposed the Clause when the St. Louis Cardinals attempted to ship him off. At first the David verses Goliath stand had obvious setbacks, but once legal comparisons were heard by the ears of justice, Flood attained his freedom in the US. Supreme Court. Such a coup shook the pillars of Major League baseball forever. Flood himself never reaped the benefits yet today’s millionaire big leaguers certainly are. Flood’s action sums up the way of the Tiger.

Jersey Joe Walcot, the oldest man to box his way to the Heavy Weight Championship. . . What a glory? . . Then to think, fans the most memorable vision of Walcot, is the beaten up face taking the brunt of the decrowning punch to the side of the jaw. That photo of Rocky Marciano’s tremendous wallop, frames Walcot’s face as distorted for all eternity and is perhaps the first poster child depicting, “The agony of defeat.” Rather than being revered in the annals of boxing history, old Joe captured moment sentences him as an eternal fallen champion. Other down on their luck Tigers who fought in the ring include Joe Louis and Jack Johnson. Both died penniless. As four-time Heavyweight Champion of the World the great Evander Holyfield hasn’t received the respect he rightfully deserves.

Robert E. Lee, William Westmoreland and Creighton Abrams are the only US. Supreme Commanders who ever lost American wars. Walt Whitman and Carl Sandburg were dynamic poets, yet during much of their lifetimes they were chastised. Perhaps the song, “Hang Down Your Head, Tom Dooley,” explains our Tiger, Dooley being one and all.

The sturdiest warriors born under Sign of the Tiger have taken hideous and sad forsaken falls during marked history. As one studies further into the reasons behind some of these defeats, one discovers it’s rarely because the Tiger’s cause wasn’t justified.

When speaking of the female Tigresses we might take some type space here to pay these lovelies special tribute.

La feminine Tigress, she’s the girl next door with the freckles and pig-tails, who blossoms into a purring bombshell. Female Tigers may be the most lusted-after women of all. These kitties are absolutely luscious and maintain their looks while remaining demure and oh-so-lady like. Tiger girls boast pretty features and cute figures.

The lurking sensuality of the male species can’t resist the soft-looking Tigress’. They’re frantically pursued by love-struck admirers. Having a Tiger daughter may prove a challenge at somewhere between ages 15 to 20. Don’t worry mom or dad. The question those Tigress hunting pursuers should ask themselves . . . will they keep those high octane felines purring once they catch ’em?

Tiger women are extremely sensitive like their male counterparts. The tears welling in their eyes aren’t because of a frivolous girlie weakness or some ploy. It’s that they have enormous compassion. While dry eyed they have the ability to dazzle. They direct attention eye to eye. Such a sardonic gaze might be one of the most powerful forces on Earth.

On the whole, both the men and women in this group consists of the nicest people, who are honest and whose altruistic nature capture the hearts of close observers. Tigers are about ‘how you play the game’ not often to complain about losing as long as the contest was hard fought. Forget the final score.

Tigers demand respect and they become flabbergasted if their righteous goals are not achieved through honorable actions. To the casual observer a Tiger’s quest might appear as effortless and graceful. Yet nothing comes easy. They work diligently for their due. Those Tigers who finally bath in the limelight could tell hair-raising stories about the steep uphill climb. Yet they won’t. Final note: One should never foolishly consider the idea of bullying or pushing Tigers around. You’ll never get away with it! CLUTTER OF TIGERS

RALPH ABERNATHY PAULA ABDUL CREIGHTON ABRAMS

ANSEL ADAMS MALISA SUE ANDERSON MARIAN ANDERSON

KOFI ANNAN SUSAN ANTON TRACEY AUSTIN

COUNT BASIE SAMMY BAUGH TONY BENNETT

TOM BERINGER CLINT BLACK JUDY BLUME

ROBERT BLY TIMOTHY BOTTOMS CRAIG BREEDLOVE

MATHEW BRODERICK EMILY BRONTE GARTH BROOKS

MEL BROOKS JERRY BROWN PAT BUCHANNON

JOHN CANDY DAVID CASSIDY FIDEL CASTRO

CHARO CESAR JULIO CHAVEZ TOMMY CHONG

AGATHA CHRISTI ROGER CLEMONS PHIL COLLINS

TOM COURTNEY RICHARD CRENNA SHERYL CROW

TOM CRUISE MILES DAVIS JOHN DEAN

LEONARDO DECAPRIO FRANK DEFORD CHARLES DeGAULE

BRIAN DENNEHY JOHN DERECK ALAN DERSHOWITZ

THOMAS DEWEY EMILY DICKENSON JOE DiMAGGIO LOUIS MIGUEL DOMINGUIN DR. TOM DOOLEY CLYDE DREXLER

ISADORA DUNCAN ANTHONY EDWARDS DWIGHT D. EISENHOWER QUEEN ELIZABETH JULIUS ERVING EMILIO ESTEVEZ PATRICK EWING RALPH FIENES STEP’IN FETCHIT LARRY FISHBURNE ROBERTA FLACK CURT FLOOD EUGENE FODOR JODY FOSTER JOHN FOWLES PETER FRAMPTON PETER GABRIEL CRYSTAL GAYLE LOU GEHRIG BARTLETT GIAMATTI GOYA BOB GOLDTHWAIT RED GRANGE PETER GRAVES WILL GREER EMILE GRIFFITH TESS HARPER ED HARRIS FRANCO HARRIS ISAAC HAYES HUGH HEFNER THOR HEYERDAHL EMPOROR HIROHITO EVANDER HOLYFIELD VLADIMIR HOROWITZ JOHN HOUSEMAN WILLIAM HURT LANCE ITO BO JACKSON DEREK JACOBI PETER JENNINGS NORMAN JEWISON JACK JOHNSON JON BON JOVI BENITO JUAREZ VASILY KANDINSKY KING KAMEHAMEHA JACKIE JOYNER-KERSEY KUBLAH KHAN JEAN KIRKPATRRICK BOWIE KUHN CHRISTINE LAHTI ELSA LANCASTER DIANE LANE GARY LARSON SHARON LAWERNCE HILLDOR LAXNESS CLORIS LEACHMAN ROBERT E. LEE JAY LENO JERRY LEWIS GORDON LIGHTFOOT JOE LOUIS JOAN LUNDEN WILLIAM H. MACY RALPH MACCHIO CHUCK MANGIONE KARL MARX BOBBY McFERRIN ALI McGRAW KRISTY McNICHOL JAYNE MEADOWS GARY MERRILL HO CHI MIHN MARYLYN MONROE DEMI MOORE ROBERT MORRIS BILL MURRAY HAING S. NGOR SAM NUNN RUDOLPH NUREYEV JOYCE CAROL OATES ROSIE O’DONELL AKEEM OLIJUWAN JESSIE OWENS LEON PANETTA BORIS PASTERNACK JANE PAULY OCTAVIO PAZ TEDDY PENDERGRASS WILLIAM PENN GAYLORD PERRY JIM PERRY JOE PERRY JEAN PETERS LOU DIAMOND PHILLIPS KATHERINE ANN PORTER CHARLIE PRIDE RANDY QUAID GEORGE REEVES JERRY RICE SAM RICE EDDIE RICKENBACKER DIANA RIGG KENNY ROGERS ROBIN ROBERTS OSCAR ROBINSON PETE ROZELLE JOHNNY RUTHERFORD JONAS SALK CARL SANDBURG ROMY SCHNEIDER RANDOLPH SCOTT JEAN SEBERG CYBILL SHEPHERD DUTCH SHULTZ WESLEY SNIPES DUKE SNYDER JOHN STEINBECK CONNIE STEVENS JOHN STOCKTON JOAN SUTHERLAND PAUL TAGLIABUE RICHARD THOMAS STROM THURMOND Y. A. TITTLE BILL TOOMEY TED TURNER TINA TURNER LIV ULLMAN NORM VAN BROCKLIN JON VOIGHT JERSEY JOE WALCOTT CLINT WALKER HERSCHEL WALKER DANIEL WEBSTER JERRY WEST WILLIAM WESTMORELAND JODY WILLIAMS RODGER WILLIAMS JANE WITHERS STEVIE WONDER NATALIE WOOD DAVID WOTTLE

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR TIGER DURING YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003, the Tiger enters the Year of the Goat.

Tigers might have difficulty relating to the laid back nature of the Year of the Goat. For this beautiful creature, with the demeanor of a hair trigger, the stillness and calm uncertainty is ultra unnerving. Letting down one’s guard and going along with the flow is not part of Tiger’s make up. Even if it’s just playful the Tiger may be tempted to mix things up, do some pawing, to perhaps set a new agenda.

Tigers should resist this temptation. Tiger has often been warned about, “Once things get started!” A change in climate could produce unforeseen problems stemming out of nowhere, and present a stubborn resistance that might sap the Tiger’s strength and tax the limits of its sensitive psyche. With the inherent emotional luggage the Tiger is normally saddled with during a course of a lifetime, woes can’t help.

It might be the ideal moment for that sabbatical, four-day work weeks, and extended holidays. Don’t worry, come next year, the world and its need for the Tiger’s salvation will still be there, and then the Tiger can wield its strength.

MADAM LOO’S: PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

RABBITS

CUTE CLEVER RABBITS

1903-1915-1927-1939-1951-1963-1975-1987-1999

Grace, elegance and style . . . Rabbits are cultured hares, well-seasoned, fine-tuned and dedicated towards grand socializing.

Yet they prefer quiet settings, home, warmed by a fire and surrounded by close friends and confidants. They rarely scoot from the confines of their cozy burrows. They attend only the grandest of events. Why?.. Because it’s expected of them. Their impeccable manners and sense of decorum calls for their presence. Take into account as far as etiquette is concerned, when it comes to identifying differentiating epicureans, they wrote the book. They are the book. Yet their most revealing trait is that they are Masters of Timing.

On the home front, while preparing for guests, they set a tasty table. No expense is spared. There’s that special touch that punctuates exquisite taste.

Their refined mannerisms crosses social and economic barriers. For instance, a Rabbit stemming from modest circumstances, who may not be trained in drama, they may adapt to situations like a duck taking to water and begin to understand and appreciate the nuances essential to bring a theatrical production to life. If perhaps this enthusiastic Hare is an impoverished ghetto dweller, say one who hasn’t been exposed to the finer elements of culture, they may just ease out of the murkiness and become loquacious experts about opera or grand art even despite the fact their home environment may not be a recognized water shed from which such refinements flow.

Their thirst for learning, whether the education be formal or self taught, permits them to identify and appreciate items like watered-French silk, or precisely cut Czechoslovakian crystal or something carved from Portuguese marble. They strive to understand the skills and techniques employed during the molding of fragile items like ceramics or cast birds or the blowing of fine glass.

Slowing things down, Rabbits sit back satisfied and relax, sifting through stamp collections, photo albums etc. Rabbits are perpetual hoarders, known for sandbagging, namely, “their stuff,” whether it be a baseball-card collection or some-other keepsakes they’ve accumulated.

Focusing on grandiose events and while preparing for such, they won’t overlook the smallest detail. They’ll pester suppliers and contemporaries and everyone involved to no end . . . if anything . . . just to make sure. At the same time when they choose to blow the whistle on a project, feeling as if they’ve worked long enough—they’re unequivocally done.

Employers won’t discover this lot as eager “over timers.” Uh-uh, Hares won’t lift one Rabbit’s foot to nudge the project an inch further.

Nevertheless, the foundation and preparations are usually more-than adequate to see themselves through, especially since they are the masters of timing. Their estimations tend to be precise.

Sitting Bull meticulously planned to remove Custer’s scalp. The armored-warfare strategist Edwin Rommel, the ‘Desert Fox,’ had a knack for precise timing. Movie director Francis Ford Capolla, painstakingly prepared for his big-screen epics, such as The Godfather sagas and Apocalypse Now. Lou Brock scrutinized the throwing motion belonging to opposing pitchers. He carefully chose the ripe moment to take off and steal bases. Lest we forget, the coolest Rabbit of them all, other than Bugs, Francis Albert Sinatra. Then there’s the rhymed, smoky voice that forever keeps perfect beat, belonging to the Donald Fagen from the group, Steely Dan. We can always count on Count Basie.

Caution, the Rabbit’s sense of worldliness and veracious appetite for the absolute is the price of admission they pay for a sometimes premature demise. As Madam Loo has taught us—the wily Rabbit leaps at, and savors, the spectrum of flavors within the grasp of life, never being shy to just snatch a sampling for its distinctive taste, regardless if those stimulants are forbidden. Adam and Eve might come to mind.

As for ambition: Their exquisite beauty and charm is more than sufficient to fling open difficult-to-get-through doors. They posses a penchant to darn themselves into tight-knit organizations creating visionary patterns for others to follow. Once atop of their game they possess staying power, primarily due to that acute sense of timing.

There’s some gambler here. Rabbits are noted for taking pragmatic and not-so pragmatic risks. Too often perhaps they’re noted for the attempting the unattainable, a risky behavior that could be self destructiv, even by Rabbits who subscribe to the powers of positive thinking. If the object of the Rabbit’s desire gleams, whets their appetite in such an alluring way, their curiosity and desire to covet may have them throwing caution to the wind. Shelving the pragmatic side and not bothering to hoist a safety net the Rabbit can find itself on a slippery slope. Still, they relish peril while immersing themselves into a dizzy swashbuckling nature and neither bothering to reduce risks. Luck, they insist will be on their side. It might be healthier to attempt to do such in a vicarious manner in other forms that test skills and chance rather than attempting to pull off perilous stunts.

It doesn’t always work. Michael Jordan’s attempt to become a Major-League baseball player didn’t pan out (an example of a talented Rabbit excelling in one sport then being tossed a curve ball in another when he tried to trade in his basketball sneakers for baseball cleats.)

A negative: Brewing confidence while boasting an extended chest has a tendency to breed contempt. Such ambition irks some of those who sense being left out of the fold. There are Rabbit hunters looking to trap the Hare for tasty Rabbit stew. Rabbits are primed for ridicule at times.

Rabbits continue to go on-and-on, just like that fuzzy-pink character chugging along on that TV battery commercial, leaving no doubt about the bunnies unbound energy and how it’s rarely thwarted. Truncated events do occur but such distractions only prevent the attainment of goals when the Rabbit decides to throw in the towel.

A star-studded list of famous Rabbits read as somewhat pale compared to the clusters of other luminaries belonging to Chinese signs. The list is shorter, but nevertheless, the roll call of Rabbit meat is one to the sweetest. The reason for the fewer examples isn’t because the Rabbit is less capable. It’s just that the limelight brings onto them undesired attention, primarily because the ‘red hot’ of the spotlight infringes on their reserved manner. Humility reigns high, and they, similar to the Tiger, are not fond of the blowing their own horn.

It’s not as if Hares don’t relish the glory. Being accepted gracefully and embraced by the masses are of the utmost importance. They possess ultra sensitive feelings. Other animals don’t always recognize their thin skin.

Don’t ignore the hyper sensitivity vibrating from your hare friends. Rabbits detest being out of the loop.

Affection by the rest of us needs to hop its way towards Rabbit. If their willingness is shunned, or if indifference is flashed, especially during the earlier parts of their lives, Rabbits might decide to shun the world, or revert themselves to the very back of the line. They might skip the line and keep going to become dejected hermits. It’s as if they’ll eventually come to a slap-in-the-face conclusion: The citizens of the world had their chance, and if they rejected me, I’ll show them nothing—for them I won’t unearth anymore treasures.

There are millions of them out there—500 million for that matter, lending their shoulder to the wheel of karma. But they do so mostly in a quiet dignified fashion, unassuming, while still dripping with charm. The animals who don’t marvel and who aren’t taken by them are the losers!

If we ignore such personalities, we may never have the pleasure of pronouncing their pleasant sounding names. There’s a name-game catch here. Rabbit folk seem to have nifty-sounding, many-lettered surnames. A good number of the notable inserts their middle initials or middle names as the defining sounding part of their monikers, albeit John Cougar Mellencamp, Henry Wadsworth Longfellow.

Why? . . . Let’s just say it’s another uncanny related tidbit and the mysterious nature of the Chinese Astrological world.

Take note you, Hares. There has been a long-time rift going on inside the world of Chinese Astrology . . It’s Rabbit—verses—Cat.

You may have been informed by books or someone who follows the social science, that your sign is a Cat or Rabbit? An expert like Madam Loo doesn’t profess to have a clear answer considering the ambiguity surrounding this sign’s marquee. Some fervent Chinese Astrologers have stubbornly stuck to their guns, and refer to this sign strictly as Cat, others brand the sign as that of the Rabbit.

As our own study has progressed, Madam Loo and myself have concluded to conform to the Rabbit, to lend a hand at bringing the Chinese world together for the sake of conformity. Even though Madam Loo and I, two Pigs in themselves are crazy over kitty cats. Lets say such is the preference of two Piggies who detest confrontations.

If one hops or purrs within the confines of this Chinese sign, they may prefer to address themselves as one or the other. Grace, elegance and style . . . Rabbits are cultured hares, well-seasoned, fine-tuned and dedicated for grand socializing.

Yet they prefer quiet settings, home, warmed by a fire and surrounded by close friends and confidants. They rarely scoot from the confines of their cozy burrows. They attend only the grandest of events. Why? Because it’s expected of them. Their impeccable manners and sense of decorum calls for their presence. Take into account, as far as etiquette is concerned, when it comes to identifying differentiating epicureans they wrote the book. They are the book. Yet, their most revealing trait is that they are Masters of Timing.

On the home front, while preparing for guests, they set a tasty table. No expense is spared. There’s that special touch that punctuates exquisite taste.

Their refined mannerisms crosses social and economic barriers. For instance, a Rabbit stemming from modest circumstances who may not be trained, may like a duck taking to water, begin to understand and appreciate the nuances essential to bring a theatrical production to life. If perhaps this enthusiastic Hare is an impoverished ghetto dweller, say one who hasn’t been exposed to the finer elements of culture, they may just step out of the murkiness and become passionate over opera or grand art, even though the immediate environment they exist in may not be the water shed from which such refinements flow.

Their thirst for learning, whether the education be formal or self taught, permits them to identify and appreciate items like watered-French silk, or precisely cut Czechoslovakian crystal or quarried Portuguese marble. They strive to understand the skills and techniques employed during the molding of fragile items like ceramics or cast birds or the blowing of fine glass.

Focusing on grandiose events and while preparing for such, they won’t overlook the smallest detail. They’ll pester suppliers and contemporaries and everyone involved to no end . . . if anything . . . just to make sure. At the same time the instance they choose to blow the whistle on a project, feeling as if they’ve worked long enough—they’re unequivocally done.

Employers won’t discover this lot as eager “over timers.” Uh-uh, Hares won’t lift one Rabbit’s foot to nudge the project an inch further.

Nevertheless, the foundation and preparations are usually more-than adequate to see themselves through, especially since they are the masters of timing. Their estimations tend to be precise.

Sitting Bull meticulously planned to remove Custer’s scalp. The armored-warfare strategist Edwin Rommel, the ‘Desert Fox,’ had a knack for precise timing. Movie director Francis Ford Capolla, painstakingly prepared for his big-screen epics, such as The Godfather sagas, and Apocalypse Now. Lou Brock scrutinized the throwing motion belonging to opposing pitchers. He carefully chose the ripe moment to take off and steal bases. Lest we forget, the coolest Rabbit of them all, other than Bugs, Francis Albert Sinatra. Then there’s the rhymed, smoky voice that forever keeps perfect beat, belonging to the Donald Fagen from the group Steely Dan. We can always count on Count Basie.

Caution, the Rabbit’s sense of worldliness and veracious appetite for the absolute is the price of admission they pay for a sometimes premature demise. As Madam Loo has taught us—the wily Rabbit leaps at and savors the spectrum of flavors within the grasp of life, never being shy to just snatch a sampling for its distinctive taste, regardless if those stimulants are forbidden. Adam and Eve might come to mind.

There’s some gambler here. Rabbits are noted for taking pragmatic and not-so pragmatic risks. Too often perhaps they’re noted for the attempting the unattainable, a risky behavior that could be self destructive, even by Rabbits who subscribe to the powers of positive thinking. If the object of the Rabbit’s desire gleams, whets their appetite in such an alluring way, their curiosity and desire to covet may have them throwing caution to the wind. Shelving the pragmatic side and not bothering to hoist a safety net the Rabbit can find itself on a slippery slope. Still, they relish peril while immersing themselves into a dizzy swashbuckling nature and neither bothering to reduce risks. Luck, they insist, will be on their side. It might be healthier to attempt to do such in a vicarious manner in other forms that test skills and chance rather than attempting to pull off perilous stunts.

It doesn’t always work. Michael Jordan’s attempt to become a Major-League baseball player didn’t pan out (an example of a talented Rabbit excelling in one spot, then being tossed a curve ball in another when he tried to trade in his basketball sneakers for baseball cleats.)

A star-studded list of famous Rabbits read as somewhat pale compared to the clusters of other luminaries belonging to other Chinese signs. The list is shorter, but nevertheless, the roll call of Rabbit meat is one to the sweetest. The reason for the fewer examples isn’t because the Rabbit is less capable. It’s just that the limelight brings onto them undesired attention, primarily because the ‘red hot’ of the spotlight infringes on their reserved manner. Humility reigns high, and they, similar to the Tiger, are not fond of the blowing their own horn.

Don’t ignore the hyper sensitivity vibrating from your hare friends. Rabbits detest not being out of the loop.

Concurrent affection by the rest of us needs to hop its way towards Rabbit. If their willingness is shunned, or if indifference is flashed, especially during the earlier parts of their lives, Rabbits might decide to shun the world, or revert themselves to the very back of the line. They might skip the line and keep going to become dejected hermits. It’s as if they’ll eventually come to a slap-in-the-face conclusion: The citizens of the world had their chance, and if they rejected me, I’ll show them nothing—for them I won’t unearth anymore treasures.

Why? . . . Let’s just say it’s another uncanny related tidbit and the mysterious nature of the Chinese Astrological world.

Take note you, Hares. There has been a long-time rift going on inside the world of Chinese Astrology . . It’s Rabbit—verses—Cat.

As our own study has progressed, Madam Loo and myself have concluded to conform to the Rabbit, to lend a hand at bringing the Chinese world together for the sake of conformity. Even though Madam Loo and I , two Pigs in themselves are crazy over kitty cats. Lets say such is the preference of two Piggies who detest confrontations.

If one hops or purrs within the confines of this Chinese sign, they may prefer to address themselves as one or the other.

HOUSE OF HARES

F. MURRAY ABRAHAM EDDIE ARCARO ELIZABETH ARDEN

RICHIE ASHBURN CHARLES BARCLAY DREW BARRYMORE

COUNT BASIE SAUL BELLOW GEORGE BLANDA

SIMON BOLIVAR EMMA BOMBECK JULIAN BOND

LOU BROCK TOM BROKAW YUL BRYNNER

JAMES CAAN NICOLAS CAGE FRANCIS FORD COPPOLA LYNDA CARTER ROSALYNN CARTER CLAUDETTE CAUBERT JOHN CHANCELLOR

CESAR CHAVEZ JOHN CLEESE DAVID CONE

CONFUCIUS JAMES COZZIS BEN CRENSHAW

NORM CROSBY ALBERT EINSTEIN MOSHE DAYAN

JOHNNY DEPP WILLIAM DEVANE LENNY DYKSTRA

GREER GARSON MARVIN GAYE HARRY HAMLIN

MARK HARMON HELOISE ART HIRSCHFELD

PAUL HOGAN BILLIE HOLLIDAY BOB HOPE

BOBBY HULL HELEN HUNT ANJELICA HUSTON

JANIS IAN DAISAKU IKEDA RANDY JOHNSON MICHAEL JORDAN MICHAEL KEATON JAYNE KENNEDY

HARVEY KEITEL PAUL KLEE BERNIE KOSAR

JUDITH KRANTZ CHERYL LADD RALPH LAUREN

JANET LEIGH HUEY LEWIS GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA

CLAIRE BOOTH LUCE HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW ROBERT LUDLUM

KARL MALONE VIRGINIA MARSDEN MELLISA MANCHESTER

HUGH MASEKELA ANDREA MCARDLE ANDREW McCARTHY MARK McGWIRE JOHN COUGAR MELLENCAMP GEORGE MICHAEL

CHERYL MILLER HENRY MILLER PENELOPE ANN MILLER ROGER MOORE JACK NICHOLAS CONAN O’BRIEN

TATUM O’NEAL JOE PISCAPO BRAD PITT

GEORGE PLIMPTON EDGAR ALLEN POE SYDNEY POITIER

STEVE PREFONTAINE ANTHONY QUINN RAPHAEL

EDWIN ROMMEL MSTISLAV ROSTROPOVICH GEOFFREY RUSH

MEG RYAN HAILE SALASSI GEORGE C. SCOTT

SEAL JANE SEYMORE MARTIN SHORT

NEIL SIMON FRANK SINATRA SITTING BULL

BRUCE SMITH DUSTY SPRINGFIELD BENJAMIN SPOCK

JOSEPH STALIN STING QUENTIN TARANTINO

LILLY TOMLIN LEE TRAVINO TROTSKI

AL UNSER ELI WALLACH ORSON WELLS

FOREST WHITAKER WALT WHITMAN OSCAR WILDE VANNESSA WILLIAMS TIGER WOODS CY YOUNG EMILIANO ZAPATA ERNESTO ZEDILLO ROBERT ZEMECKIS

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR RABBITS YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003, the Rabbit enters the Year of the Goat. Count on that lucky Rabbit’s foot. This year brings the Rabbit the type of boon it has envisioned over the course of a lifetime. Things couldn’t be more perfect, could they? Watch out! For the Rabbit, when systems are on go and A-OK, rather than resting on laurels, the Rabbit should be double checking, doing calculations, going over projects with a fine tooth comb, keeping track of bank balances and anything that is vital and investigate all that doesn’t seem hunky dorey.

We know the Rabbit relies on its instinct yet there is always that illusion of luck that is sometimes is wrongly counted on. A Rabbit should never count on luck and learn to take it when it comes its fortunate way.

Remember Rabbit, disaster is way more than just another word when you have everything to lose. Safeguard assets and relationships.

MADAM LOO’S PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

DRAGONS

BIG MOUTH DRAGONS

1904-1916-1928-1940-1952-1964-1976-1988-2000

Big-time, major-league, downtown people are what these fire breathers are. In jest perhaps, Madam Loo typecasts Dragons as big mouths.

Martha Ray comes to mind. What about Roseanne Barr, Susan B. Anthony, Dr. Joyce Brothers, Placido Domingo, Anita Bryant, Martin Luther King and Jackie Gleason? Who can forget Johnny Weismuller’s ear-splitting yodel in the Tarzan movies?

They do possess magnificent and resonating voices—sound pieces vibrant, compelling and rich. Further investigation finds a laundry list of other prominent Dragons with larynxes of gold, whether it be John Lennon, Maya Angelou or Pat Benatar.

Overall they’re good-looking. Those not perceived as attractive reverse the physical opinion with dynamic personalities and soon enough even homeliest of Dragons can appear as irresistible when they turn on those faucets of charm. Dragons can dish out and display a top hat type of style that’s strikingly handsome and damn intriguing. They’re fortunate achievers whose ambitions sought after come whatever.

They don’t employ the same systems to achieve as, say the Rat. Dragon’s goal are realized in their very-own, brash, fire-breathing manner. The Rat’s a schmooze. The Dragon a bulldozer, send shock waves while plowing through the door with awesome power, a tour de force mowing down any sort of opposition to be where the treasure lies. If the tides of battle turn on them or If the sought-after booty is denied their grasp, they’re capable of a scorch the Earth policy so no one attains victory.

They’ll draw a plan and act it out. Big winners they are, big winners they’ll remain yet it’s rarely without controversy.

Perhaps such ambition arose during childhood while under the thumbs of their older siblings—they may have been relentlessly teased leaving its imprint on their memory creating a strong desire to get even. Once mature and after they’ve shed their baby teeth and traded them in for fangs and after they’ve sprouted an imposing tail, along with cut-you-to-pieces fins, they’ll then wield an enormous power and influence over all in their view!

With the get-evenness out of the way, and once accepted by peers, a truce with past foes or competitors is normally established, a treaty usually based on the fear that they’ve inflicted upon others.

Nevertheless, Dragons do possess heaps of compassion. After they’ve crushed an adversary and while observing their victims wallowing in defeat, they tend to have second thoughts. Dragons turn to mush seeing anyone miserable. They make efforts to reconstruct feelings. Dragons do create life-long alliances. Their maturity, has them evolving as the reigning presidents of the fraternity or sorority, long after graduation. They maintain the torch, organize the reunions. Perpetually, they stay in touch.

Their cistern of self-esteem doesn’t always hold holy water because of tendencies to self-anoint. Dragons remain didactic. Still though, they yearn to be treated as just one of the boys. It will never occur. Such unbridled power can never be construed as benign.

Huge, gigantic, colossal and monumental are all synonyms coming to mind when describing the Dragon.

These egotistical, somewhat temperamental people, will not permit any object to deter them. Concepts won’t be deviated by one iota. They insist on their due and more. These people are rarely bashful. “Who cares what others think? Who cares if I make a scene?”

Being adored by the masses isn’t paramount, but is insisted upon from those closest. They fully comprehend there’s a distinct chance there won’t be a slew of sympathizers attending their funerals. Same as for some Rats, pallbearers may have to be hired. It becomes obvious how Dragons aren’t too keen on getting the ‘Nice Guy’ award.

They blurt strong opinions never hesitant about making them known despite whose feathers they might ruffle.. In a Dragon’s view, “A tender heart does not become a drawn sword.”

Please don’t misinterpret the Dragon’s step-on-your-toes nature as a road block towards them returning affection. Objects of their affection will heaped upon and become the recipient of the choicest of passions.

Male Dragons adore the opposite sex, but they often place their female counterpart in a light that illuminates them solely as the target of their own lust. The male Dragon is less apt to be close with women, unless it is under the sheets, regardless of a Chinese Astrology sign. For the Dragon and their mates this one dimensional relationship often presents a difficult dilemma.

Women Dragons are notably sure of themselves, often self sufficient and often take career paths rather than those of maintaining close-knit family. Even those who become homemakers find ways to escape chores they find distasteful. Look for TV dinners or ordering out. They’ll mother but a arms length. More than likely their kids will raise themselves or the father figure will be more instrumental.

Some warnings: Dragons have to be most cautious not to engage in destructive behavior, not only towards others, but especially on themselves. Many a fire breather has succumbed to substance abuse. Perhaps it’s the loneliness that accompanies ultimate power. When feeling melancholy and short of voices of reason, Dragons have a tendency to reach out, not for the light, but for the dark. It’s essential for them to heed warnings and take a firm grip as to abstain from the poisons of life, especially in down times when they’re the most susceptible.

While busy maintaining their domains—to their advantage, they are less likely to become addicted to alcohol, gambling or drugs. Heath threatening stimulants are a rarity when the Dragon is scheming and on a quest. If anything, while on the course they’re more-than-likely to corrupt others.

Despite those shortcomings, Suzanne White, one of the world’s foremost Chinese Astrologers, once wrote ‘If you didn’t know which Chinese sign you are and . . . if given the choice, one would have to question themselves for not choosing to be the Mighty Dragon.

Dragons are well-read, as well as, well-rounded people. We find they have a slew of interests. They delve into the esoteric, the off-beat and subjects on the surface we wouldn’t presume they’d lean towards.

They’re superb sales people, convincing and tedious. They’re especially bold when making that cold call. They have the nerve to interrupt perspective clients at any hour. Their presentations are well organized and overflowing with relevant statistics.

History denotes Dragons are often assassinated. Abraham Lincoln and John Lennon, Julius Caesar and Doctor Martin Luther King have become marked victims of the assassin.. So was Serbian strong man Arkan. Those above, as indicated in the beginning of this chapter, weren’t shy about their foreseen ideals. Enemies see Dragons as a threat. Noteworthy: Dragon Bruce Lee, whose last film Night of the Dragon, died under mysterious circumstances, as did son Brandon, in a weirdo manner, on a film set. Ironically both men perished during the Year of the Dragon. The reasons for such demise?. . . another unexplainable twist stemming from the files of Chinese Astrology.

In old China, during the dynasties, and as they still do today, parents desire Dragon sons, because Dragons supposedly have had the best odds of becoming emperor.

One last word to the wise, especially for Rooster men. Madam Loo has witnessed Rooster men fall beneath the lure and Earth shattering effects because of Dragon women. Madam Loo or myself can’t explain if it’s pure coincidence. I’m not a Rooster man, so it’s not sour grapes I’m touting. I’ve seen stand-up Rooster men capitulate and burned to a crisp by the hot-hot breathe of the Dragon Queen.

FIRE BREATHING DRAGONS

CANNON BALL ADERLEY DAN AKROYD LOUISA MAY ALCOTT

EDWARD ALBEE HORATIO ALGER LA VERNE ANDREWS

SUSAN B. ANTHONY EDDIE ARCARO ARKAN

NEIL ANDERSON MAYA ANGELOU GEORGE ARLISS JOAN BAEZ BERNARDO BARTOLUCCI ROSEANN BARR

L. FRANK BAUM PAT BENATAR PETER BENCHLEY JULIETTE BINOCHE ALFRED BLOOMINGDALE BARRY BONDS

LOUIS BRAILE ROSSANO BRAZZI FANNY BRICE

CHRISTIE BRINKLEY JOSEPH BRODSKY JAMES BROLIN

JAMES L. BROOKS JOYCE BROTHERS JAMES BROWN

ANITA BRYANT DAVID BYRNE JULIUS CAESAR

CALIGULA JOSEPH CAMPBELL

JENNIFER CAPRIATI LEWIS CARROL IRENE CASTLE

JEFFERY CHAUCER NOAM CHOMSKY JULIE CHRISTIE ROSEMARY CLOONEY JIMMY CONNORS BOB COSTAS

DASH CROFTS WALTER CRONKITE BING CROSBY

RUSELL CROWE SALVADORE DALI VIC DAMONE JEFFERSON DAVIS de KOONING CHARLES DARWIN

BO DIDLEY OLIVIA D’HAVILAND MATT DILLON CHRISTIAN DIOR PLACIDO DOMINGO KIRK DOUGLAS FAYE DUNAWAY BILLY ECKSTINE GENRALISIMO FRANCO CHRIS FARLEY HOWARD FAST MAYNARD FERGUSON PETER FINCH EDDIE FISHER WHITEY FORD SIGMOND FREUD CARLOS FUENTES JAMES GARNER MELLISA GILBERT JACKIE GLEASON PANCHO GONZELAS JOHN GOODMAN BRIAN GOTTFRIED GEORGE GRIZZARD CHE GUEVARA MARVIN HAGLER JOHN HANCOCK HERBIE HANCOCK DAVID HASSELHOFF JOHN HAVILCEK PEE WEE HERMAN EARL HOLMAN GORDIE HOWE DON IMUS

AL JARREAU GRACE JONES TOM JONES ETHEL KENNEDY MARTIN LUTHER KING ERTHA KITT BOBBY KNIGHT TED KOPPEL STANLEY KUBRICH BRANDON LEE BRUCE LEE JOHN LENNON ABRAHAM LINCOLN ROB LOWE EDOUARD MANET GABRIEL GARCIA MARQUEZ BILLY MARTIN DOUGLAS MACAUTHUR GEORGE C. MARSHALL RODDY McDOWELL BILL MEDLEY LIAM NEESON NICK NOLTE CHUCK NORRIS SEAN O’CASEY AL PACINO GREGORY PECK PELE COLE PORTER RICHARD PRYOR VLADIMIR PUTIN MARTHA RAY REX REED EDMUND ROSTAND HENRI ROUSSEAU DOCTOR RUTH WILMA RUDOLPH DAMON RUNYON STEVEN SEAGAL

SHAKIRA ARIEL SHARON GEORGE BERNARD SHAW MARTIN SHEEN WILLIAM SHERMAN HAROLD SOLOMON AARON SPELLING RINGO STARR JILL ST. JOHN MARY STEENBURGEN PATRICK STEWART PAT SUMMITT MR. T. AMY TAM SHIRLEY TEMPLE MARSHALL TITO MARISA TOMEI ALEX TREBEK PAUL TSONGAS GUILLERMO VILAS DICK VITALE BARON VON RICHTHOFER FATS WALLER BILL WALTON SAM WATERSON JOHNNY WEISMUELLER RAQUEL WELCH MAE WEST ELIE WEISEL PAUL WILLIAMS ROBIN WILLIAMS DENG XAOIPING CALE YARBOROUGH FRANK YERBY FRANK ZAPPA

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR DRAGONS YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003 the Dragon enters the Year of the Goat.

The Dragon had to adapt to the rapid pace of events during Year of the Horse 2002. Again there’s a sudden change up, the pace slows and there seems to be a lull in the action?

The Dragon, who normally dictates the pace, had just run through the gears and gone full throttle while catching up during the past year, and here comes Year of the Goat when all of a sudden it’s time to hit the brakes or coast down to a workable speed. With the Dragon’s weight and girth, and with the Dragon’s distaste for sudden change can frustrate the Dragon.

There’s need for the Dragon to calm, to deal with it, because on the most part, the laid back Year of the Goat should be savored rather than having the Dragon flooring it, or gearing down. To the Dragon the slow down is like waiting in traffic nervously tapping their fingers on the steering wheel wanting to get the show back on the road.

MADAM LOO’S PROFILES AND FORECAST IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

SNAKES

SEXY OR SLIMY SNAKES

1905-1917-1929-1941-1953-1965-1977-1989-2001

Here in lies the ardent! But why is there a cool breeze, as if we sense a chilly shadow looming over us? The Snake’s warmth can encompass our entire being providing comforts we only dream about. Then, the sudden coldness the Snake can manifest leaves us frozen in hopeless time.

Yet on the whole, gracefully, the Snake slivers in and out of situations taking place in life’s various venues. Snakes exercise total control over in in what appears as an effortless manner in their every move when keeping tight hold on their elastic emotions. We’d be more-than-likely to witness a Snake lose its skin, or its inhibitions, before caught unraveling its composure. A Snake losing emotional equilibrium is a rarity. Snakes remain poised even during trying moments for them and revealing moments of truth for us observers.

Snakes show case charm. They are quick learners all their lives.

Notice how Snakes dish out pleasantries. At times though, the praises are laid on little too thick perhaps. Yet the Snake likes to employ time-proven methods. Added to the sale’s pitch is the Snake’s tremendous sex appeal, that goes hand in hand with their renowned reputation for being gifted lovers.

Sticklers for detail, the schmooze is a routine they lifted and further perfected by studying the actions of their one-year old, Dragon cousins, them adapting the winning tactic after years of scrutinizing. Yet, both signs (Dragons & Snakes) are worlds apart in many traits. The Dragon, overtly insist on what they consider their universal due. When it comes to Snake, rather than shaking thing up, they plot an agenda with a more velvet touch. They have patience to do so over a long length of time all doing so as astute, mostly silent observers who are always fixed on and in the present.

In a more subtle manner they apply subterfuge doses of their own sustaining nectar, and if need be, because of a reason of their own choosing, they are capable of inflicting a most deadly venom.

Beware: If things don’t go their way, or if someone spoils their dream, they can despise the spoiler ‘til the end of time. So spiteful is a Snake’s thirst for revenge, the secretive Snake might masquerade hints of disdain in a Brutus-like fashion, wearing a false smile over a sour veneer and will dig the dagger into his Caesar. Pseudo affection might drench the marked one. The target of their wrath may never realize what’s happening until it’s too late. Next thing they know, they’re a goner!

Capable of sabotage, they’ll create upheaval and confusion behind the enemy’s lines. They’ll turn tides by forming chaotic anti-alliances, using smoke-screen-like tricks and pull them off with striking rapid precision against fool or foe when the right moment arrives. Watch out if you find yourself in the unenviable position. You could be quickly done away with or fed poison in slow doses!

Then think, and reverse the negative. . . to have such a talent as a trusted ally. They normally don’t turn their aggression on foes who don’t do them wrong. No wonder they’ve chosen Snake, Pierce Bronson, to play 007. No cry-babies here either. They rarely complain—they just bide their time, and there’s no way to predict when and where they’ll seek their revenge. They work best independently, rather it be for commerce or in social circles. They often show alone but rarely leave that way.

Snakes are incredibly industrious, apt to work hard, even when it’s not essential. Aristotle Onassis, Howard Hughes and other wealthy Snakes have voluntarily labored a lifetime.

Similar to Rabbits, Snakes appreciate finery. They detest anything fake. If they purchase any type of jewelry it will be genuine; if not, they’d rather go without. The same goes for affiliations—with them having instinct that enable them to size-up the real deal from the phony baloney.

They keep their house in order and usually are prompt bill payers. Young Snakes have a tendency to be sloppy, but as they mature they become more tidy.

Snakes shy handouts and sympathy. They’re naturally motivated without encouragement. They would rather attain goals on their own. There remains that fierce desire for independence having them sneer at any sort of interference. With the Snake there is no need for the charmer’s services or even the tone of his flute for the sensuous Snake to rise on its own and sway while performing its erotic come on. One might wonder who is charming who? Still, when they decide to rise and show their underbelly it’s only when they wish and they’ll do so without prompting, effortlessly as they slither to the very top of the heap.

Snakes are rarely shy in matters of enterprise and never hesitant about taking on detailed responsibilities. They have a Stirling reputation for doing their chores deliberately, in a low-key, and sensuous manner.

Snakes adore immediate family and rarely ignore parents or siblings and reserve a special deeper love for children and grandchildren.

Madam Loo geographically pinpoints, Snakes thrive in steamy jungles wrapped around the Equator. Snakes desire tropical warmth. Now if your mate is a Snake, especially a female, during wintertime don’t forget to stoke the fire and keep your lover cozy and do this for your own sake, or they might be found beneath someone else’s blanket.

More about fidelity: a tender subject in itself. As has been written so boldly: Snakes don’t always embrace the vows of corporal exclusiveness. But take note, such behavior, no matter how despicable, has nothing to do with true love in their snake-eyed view. Despite such trysts, the Snake has the capacity to love one person . . . love ’em to death, while summing and disconnecting themselves from certain ideals in conformed society. They roam and sample, even at the risk of being categorized as an indiscriminate mate and unfaithful lover. You see, it’s their inherent nature. They just don’t often subscribe to vows. If the significant other of a Snake suspects their mate is about to stray . . . Madam Loo’s advice is: What should be store for the Snake is a sobering talk before unfortunate changes come to be.

When it comes to sexual conquests, the Snakes typical alertness to the straight and narrow often falls asleep at the wheel and takes a back seat to their sex drive goes into overdrive. The wisdom lags behind if they fancy another’s physical charms. Madam Loo hasn’t been able to precisely investigate to find out what sign wise King Solomon was, but an educated guess might be Snake.

Back to the warmth department for just a moment—supposedly Snakes born in the summer have happier and more-care-free lives than those born in winter or in cold climates.

There’s a deeper intelligence nurturing inside the asp’s mind that’s immeasurable. They have a keen sense, are able to measure a situation all the way through. John F. Kennedy, clearly summed up the chess game of diplomacy, and then checkmated the Russians during the Cuban missile crisis. That innate sense alone fits them in as an intricate figure and roll player in any organization. It’s prudent to run ideas and aspirations past a confidant Snake, if anything, for pragmatic feedback.

Snakes for some reason seem to be extremely naive when it comes to recognizing quips in their own persona. Yes, do they stay tuned in. And it’s true, they’re extra shrewd, but when it comes to knowing the size of their own shoes, or maybe their own Chinese Astrology sign, they’re oblivious. They forget birthdays, appointments, even arguments. With all the intelligence they possess, at times they’re completely forgetful.

Madam Loo likes to tell a little joke about two related Snakes slithering towards the chicken coop. One’s a grandfather Snake, the other is the granddaughter. Silently the grandfather gestures to his student, by opening wide his Snake jaws, showing how she should sink her fangs in during the upcoming attack. In the midst of the dress rehearsal the granddaughter interrupts, “Grandfather, are we really poisonous?”

Grandfather, “Why do you ask, little one?” . . .

“Because, Grandfather, I just bit my tongue!”

The ancient Egyptians held the serpent in high esteem because of their cool directness. Women adorned themselves in jewelry depicting the Snake’s image. Spirals paying homage were erected inside the pyramids. Egyptians used their likeness on instruments related to healing.

With that in mind, Madam Loo reminds us we find the women belonging to the Sign of the Snake as powerful, alluring, and especially good looking and of whom males of all signs prefer and are proud to have at their sides or arm in arm. No wonder the Shake was chosen as the enticing image to tempt Eve. The Snake sign is extremely feminine. Even macho males born of this sign have tells flash of femininity. They are have that magnetic lure, with diversified dynamics, and they’re capable of present themselves either as as a vibrant contrast against a solid surface or blend themselves in amongst the jungle’s landscape.

While on the move the serpent covers sizable stretches of turf, holding up for a short spell now and then to sun their exterior as if charging their batteries. Observe the Snake’s mesmerizing patterns blend with the sand as it sways across the desert floor at dusk, or envision the sleek boa coiled in the higher branches of the tropics in the heat of the day. If only those rays of the sun could further warm their hearts.

For the most part they are generous, and command immediate attention, similar to Oxen who too can’t be ignored.

The Snake, along with the Rat and Dragon, are noted amongst the signs as being most ambitious. An exception to the others is that the Snake’s persona is less likely to kiss up or put down. They middle themselves on what they perceive as a level playing field. They have a distinct way of having others appreciate their value.

Lastly. Snakes wield potent weapons with razor sharp fangs able to extract blood while delivering a deadly venom, if that course of action depends on their survival. Those same deadly fangs can reverse their killer’s role, not as the kiss of death, but as a love peck, a careful nibbling, with just enough bite to nudge their chosen fancy towards a higher and even more erotic plane. What has been perceived for centuries, by the unenlightened, as something sinister, is clearly subjective. In their case, the ends manage the means. Snakes do accomplish set goals.

SNAKE PARADE

SPIRO AGNEW HORATIO ALGER MUHAMMAD ALI

TIM ALLEN JUNE ALLISON CLEVELAND AMORY

JOHN AMOS PAUL ANKA YASSER ARAFAT

DESI ARNAZ KEMAL ATATURK LOUIS AUCHINCLOSS

BURT BACHARACH CLARA BARTON CHUCK BARRIS

KIM BASINGER FILBERT BAYL MARY McCLEOD BETHUNE

MATT BIONDI TONY BLAIR PETER BOGDANAVICH RICHARD BOONE BED BRADLEY PIERCE BROSNON

SANDRA BULLOCK ANTHONY BURGESS KEN BURNS

ERIC BURDEN RON BROWN VICKI CARR

CASANOVA JOHN CASSAVETES NEVILLE CHAMBERLIN

JULIE CHRISTIE DICK CLARK MARCIA CLARK CLAUDETTE COLBERT JACKIE COLLINS JOSEPH CONRAD CHIC COREA CLARENCE DARROW CECIL B. DEMILLE PHYLLIS DILLER FATS DOMINO

ROBERT DONAT ROBERT DOWNEY JR. BOB DYLAN

ELIZABETH I SHELLY FABRES MEL FERRER HENRY FONDA JOAN FONTAINE NATHAN BEDFORD FORREST ANNA FRANK ARETHA FRANKLIN GRETA GARBO INDIRA GANDHI MAHATMA GANDHI KATHY LEE GIFFORD KATHARINE GRAHAM LEE GRANT KING HASSAN SUSAN HAYWARD AUDREY HEPBURN OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES JOHN LEE HOOKER LENA HORNE HOWARD HUGHES TOM HULCE AMY IRVING JESSE JACKSON JAMES JOYCE STACEY KEACH GRACE KELLY JOHN F. KENNEDY SAM KENNISON CHAKA KHAN CINDI LAUPER FERNIDAND LEGER MARIO LEMIEUX PETER MAAS JOHN MALKOVICH MAO FERDINAND MARCOS ANN MARGARET DEAN MARTIN MATISSE MARY MATALIN BOB McADOO MARY McDONNELL SERGIO MENDES SARA MILES VERA MILES SLOBODAN MILOSOVIC ANTHONY MINGHELLA ROBERT MITCHUM JOAN MIRO ARISTOTLE ONASSIS JAQUELINE ONASSIS RYAN O’NEAL BUCK OWENS ARNOLD PALMER I. M. PEI PABLO PICASSO TOM PETTY SCOTTIE PIPPEN ANDRE PREVIN OTIS REDDING HELEN REDDY DAVID ROBINSON PETE ROSE FDR WILLIAM SAFIRE SARTRE CHARLIE SHEEN BROOKE SHIELDS TOOTS SHOR WILLIE STARGELL BEN STILLER ELKE SUMMER BILL TILDEN CHARLIE WATTS DIONE WARWICK GEORGE WILL JOBETH WILLIAMS OPRAH WINFREY ROB WOODSON ANDREW WYETH BILL WYMAN SUSANNAH YORK

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR SNAKES YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003 the Snake enters the year of the Goat 2003.

“Every body should be taking things more seriously and working harder!” Such a point of view is that of the Snake during Year of the Goat. The consciences Snake is annoyed by the overall atmosphere of things. Trend and vogue outweigh matters of state, finance and romance.

The Snake wants so much to be taken seriously and here the world has turned to mush and the frivolous. It’s enough to make one bite their own fangs. There’s a lesson in every annoyance says Madam Loo. Learn Snake; there are other methods to every madness. It’s just that the distracting powers orchestrated by the Year of the Goat dwindle the serious ambitions of the masses who during this time decide to become pleasure seekers.

Since pleasure seeking is often on the Snake’s agenda, they may not appreciate the joys others are attaining frolicking in their garden.

Sometimes you just have to live with it. If the Snake attempts to force issues to the tune of their slither they could get hurt. The Snake charmer is not around to watch over them, he’s playing too.

MADAM LOO’S: PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

HORSES

BUCKING HORSES

1906-1918-1930-1942-1954-1966-1978-1990

Whoa! The Horse! Here’s a fast starter.

Charging right out the gate the Horse takes the lead with tremendous power and balance leaving the rest in the dust.

Horses are renowned for incredible opening energy mixed with their various dynamics. Their driving force, they absolutely adore being the center of attention. All eyes feast on the leader.

Careful though! They don’t always have enough in their tank to go the distance. They tire and just plain quit. Horses are not always willing to go full tilt without an appreciating audience. Lack of such deflates their ego, they bore and just give up, even if it’s the home stretch.

The Horse’ desires those who ride to let out the reign, and permit them to run hard towards the wide open spaces of expansion. Whether it be for planning a structured event or while discussing the latest brainstorm, Horse people work more efficiently when not restricted or distracted by detail, unlike the Rooster who insist on preciseness and a seen through game plan.

Let’s look at the more-human side. Placing one’s self one-on-one with these diversified ponies has awards chock with insightful advice. Their encouraging words aren’t only insightful, but altruistic, more-caring than the walk the line wisdom offered by the pragmatic Rooster. One feels a genuine sense of concern imbuing from a Horse.

In the presence their presence, one senses they’ve been locked onto an exclusive audience. Horses provide a cozy aura and invite one and all into their stables. Horses possess a knack to utilize all players.

Nevetheless, productive audiences with a Horse should be private. In a Horses company there’s no need for others. One on one audiences with Horses will find an intent listener, as if they’re hanging on every word. Yet it seems, as soon as there’s a third wheel between you and your Horse, issues cloud; the focus becomes murky and things go askew and the train of opportunity jumps the tracks. What happened?

Horses have a degree of difficulty balancing responses when in the midst of company. Our usually congenial stallions and mares are known to kick up their heels over nothing when they aren’t involved in every aspect of a conversation or strategy session. Attention being taken off of them and shared with others unnerves them. It’s a Horse’s dilemma, rather it be with mates, lovers, children or friends. It’s by their own bellicose doing that they transform themselves then into absolute drags.

Sometimes these sudden outbursts are so off-the-wall, and done in such ridiculous fashion we get to wondering why we’ve let them into our lives in the first place. All becomes gauche. Without reservations and with stabbing tongues, Horse are able to spit out the absolute worst.

Madam Loo gives reasoning, it’s either plain boredom or deep-seeded jealousy, and if ignored, a particular frustration seeps in.

When a colt in a Horse’s life there’s early recognition, with them seen and bragged about as quick starters over the other barnyard occupants. The young thoroughbreds attracted attention and fame having them quickly addicted to the limelight. Life to a Horse isn’t worthwhile or fun without fanfare. When the lights are turned down they harden in the darkness and become a mold of temperamental sulking. Horses are just plain blue unless on the receiving end of that full-dose of recognition.

Those hanging around the Horse corral will tell ya, if the self-centered mount is not applauded as the rodeo’s feature star, the Horse is apt to carry on, check that, they’ll create a chaotic disturbance. Look out! They rear up and do some Kung-fu fighting and all in front will have to run for cover when the front hooves come thundering down. They then chase away everybody or run away themselves.

If not free to run at their own cadence, or if sentenced to the barn, or reduced as a beast of burden and solely permitted to pull some broken-down cart, they relegate themselves to feel hapless and useless. Those cart pulling Horses with restrictive blinders fitted over their once-proud faces can no longer bat those big-beautiful eyes and they fear they will cease to woo attractors. Next thing you know the Horse loses the desire to swish that flowing tail. Without their freedom to flaunt their attributes they feel down right hopeless.

Madam Loo advises, for the good of all, it’s important that Horses prance and strut their stuff in order to thrive.

Under the worst of circumstances and in the throes of being accused or place under scrutiny, Horses are notorious to giving way to panic, and they too often suddenly bolt and run away. When situations calm down and upon their eventual return to the stable they refuse to offer reasonable explanations for their behavior.

Yet don’t discount these high-strung fragile souls. Take into account a vast wealth of talent. Marvel how during tranquil instances they’re able make day-saving snap judgments, especially by employing microscopic insights concerning other people and organizations that may have to be dealt with.

It’s us other animals who should take heed, and measure for ourselves while taking things at face value.

Try not to count on the Horse. There is no better practice player but on game day one doesn’t know which Horse is gong to show up. That’s why it is more healthy to not rely on them during crucial periods. Brainstorm with the Horse. Train with the Horse. But when it is your special event, or your turn to go for the gusto, it might be better to leave the Horse at home. Beforehand, realize just what sort of animal we are dealing with, knowing while in the heat of battle your best ally, or buddy, or partner could become a negative force. It’s essential to separate the probable from the impossible and that usually can’t be done in the midst of the Main Event. Estimate the significance of what has been planned and gone over beforehand with the Horse and remember all written here pertains to human Horses. Like the rest of us they are capable of error. Especially with Horse, a hot and cold character in itself, ’cause when incorrect they’re so far off base it’s utterly ridiculous.

For a sign so sharp, so inquisitive, and at times so focused, when off kilter they seem as if all logic has abandoned their Horse brains and they appear completely oblivious towards their own shortcomings.

Madam Loo finds it incredible how this sign’s able to absorb a mountain range’s worth of keen insight, but during those unsettling times they fail to see where their own pitfalls lie, having them at time being more apt to storm straight ahead and dash right off the cliff.

The Horse stands straight with a nice posture while boasting the finest of looks. Horses keep them and their soundings clean and show themselves as tasteful dressers. They’re trendy, perhaps setting the stage a year earlier for the stylish Goat a sign that too sports fine-tasteful clothes.

Madam Loo punctuates a physical aspect. In most case they’ve been blessed by nature with pairs of exquisite-looking hands and feet.

No hobby Horses here. They tend to shun memberships. They spend long hours of solitude while planning enterprise. They prefer the outdoors and are able to appreciate natural glory contained in things like brilliant sunsets and stunning vistas. Even the most macho of stallions aren’t hesitant to passionately express what sentimental impressions those sights leave upon their persona.

Cognizant of proper manners, they will not tolerate others’ with bad social habits, yet as stated, they themselves are capable of being impolite if things don’t go their way.

Their gifts are enormous. Nobody can schmooze like a Horse. When Horses praise there are no higher accolades coming one’s way. But when they take one to task, no sign thrusts more brutality and are able to hit just where it hurts the most. With the memory of an Elephant, they’re able to recall and reach way-way back to rehash what was hopefully a forgotten moment of unpleasantness. The Horse has no problem reminding their target about an incident one we may have wished would have long ago evaporated.

Horses don’t find it essential to flash a sense of humility. They won’t say they’re sorry after a spat. They won’t make up. When dealing with a Horse’s eventual sense of atonement it’s up to the rest of us foot soldiers to find the strength to initiate the first move.

Wise sages, who study Chinese Astrology, pass on this valid information to be used as tools when dealing with above situations, especially if it’s dealing with a Horse. When it comes to straightening out problems—as to mend those broken fences—appeasing the Horse is well worth the effort. Our Horses are more-than-willing to let bygones-be-bygones. Quick-enough they’ll flash those Horse teeth and break out into a pretty smile and appear to be genuinely relieved the whole silly squabble is over with, and equally, they tend to be relieved that the other party does’t maintain a grudge.

Again, don’t expect a gut-wrenching ‘mea culpa.’ Horses rarely bleed their souls. Instead they’ll surprise you, show up at your door step for what they quickly explain is no apparent reason and invite you to lunch, or better yet, they sneak under the covers while you’re asleep and make sweet love.

It appears that, “I-am-not-saying-uncle” stubbornness would make Horse-on-Horse relationships challenging. Yet Madam Loo has found some of the very-best going between significant others, occur between Horses. Paul and Linda McCartney are but one example.

As parents, especially while raising the first child, the Horse parent nurtures their foal constantly with oodles of love and guidance. They enroll their children in dance school, the scouts and send them off to camp if they can afford it. Extra curricular activities will be on the horizon for children of Horses, perhaps because as we know the Horse detests boredom. They will continue to do so and protect their colts until the child is on their own.

The relationship between Horses and their children remains strong, but the guidance will fade as times pass. Horse parents may lose interest, and won’t be so-fast at dispensing advice or praise as their children turn to adults.

Now remember! When your Horse buddy is in the dumps, they need loads of reassurance to prop them back up in the saddle. We may have to expound and flaunt their assets, list for them their merits and accomplishments all while praising them to the high heavens. Still, despite our coaxing they may not want to come out of the barn.

As stated, Horse minds are razor sharp. They’re quick to laugh, make loving parents, are extremely generous plus they pick up the tab.

Too bad money can’t always buy love. Horses are sweet kissers.

HOBBY HORSES

TROY AIKMAN GRACIE ALLEN ISABEL ALLENDE

KIRSTE ALLEY MAXENE ANDREWS NEIL ARMSTRONG

EDDIE ARNOLD JAMES BAKER JOHN BARRYMORE

SAMUEL BECKETT INGMAR BERGMAN JOSEPH BIDEN

WALTER BRENNAN LEONID BREZHNEV WARREN BUFFET

GENEVIEVE BUJOLD DICK BUTKIS JAMES CAMERON

ART CARNEY JOEL COEN JOE COCKER

LOU COSTELLO SEAN CONNERY ANGEL CORDERO

KEVIN COSTNER MICHAEL CRICHTON JOHN CUSACK

CINDY CRAWFORD NICHERIN DAISHONEN ANDRE DAWSON

HILAIRE DEGAS EUGENE DELACROIX BRADFORD DILLMAN

TONY DORSETT LESLIE ANN DOWN LEO DUROCHER

ROBERT DUVALL CLINT EASTWOOD ROGER EBERT

MICHAEL EISNER SAM ELLIOT BOB FELLER HARVEY FIERSTEIN ELLA FITZGERALD LARRY FLYNT

HARRISON FORD VINCENTE FOX JERRY GARCIA FRANK GIFFORD JOHN GUILGUILD BILL GRAHAM

CARY GRANT U. S. GRANT GENE HACKMAN

PAUL HARVEY RITA HAYWARD JIMI HENDRIX WILLIAM HOLDEN DON HO J. EDGAR HOOVER EDWARD HOPPER RON HOWARD ALDOUS HUXLEY JOHN IRVING JANET JACKSON DAVID JANSSEN ERICA JONG JAMES EARL JONES CAROL KING CALVIN KLEIN ERNIE KOVACS NIKITA KHRUSHCHEV ANN LANDERS MICHELE LEE VLADIMIR LENIN ANNIE LENNOX MARY STUART MASTERSON LINDA McCARTNEY

PAUL McCARTNEY NANCY Mc KEON STEVE McQUEEN

JAMES MICHENER MOCTEZUMA SANDRA DAY O’CONNOR

JACK PAAR ISABELLE PACASSO JIMMY PAIGE

ROSS PEROT FREDDIE PRINZE WILLIS REED

REMBRANDT ANDY ROONEY RENE RUSSO

ALBERT SABIN ANWAR SADAT J. D. SALINGER

GEORGE SANDERS MARTIN SCORSESE JERRY SEINFELD

PAUL SIMON BESSIE SMITH ALEXANDER SOLZHENITSYN ROGER STAUBACH BEATRICE STRAIT GEORGE STEINBRENNER BARBARA STREISAND KEIFER SUTHERLAND JOHN CAMERON SWAYZE

JERRY TARKANIAN TINY TIM KATHLEEN TURNER GLORIA VANDERBILT ROBERT WAGNER MIKE WALLACE

DENZEL WASHINGTON EARL WEAVER BILLY WILDER

JOE WILLIAMS TED WILLIAMS TAMMY WYNNETE

KEENAN WYNN BORIS YELTSIN MICHAEL YORK

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR HORSES DURING YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003, the Horse enters the Year of the Goat 2003.

The Horse has been on full throttle, but the question is, has the Horse been leading the pack, spinning wheels going no where, or trying to desperately catch up? Last year could have been dramatically significant! More than likely there was no in between, because either the Horse soared, and in other instances, the Horse sunk. The Year of the Goat for the Horse is time for sudden change!

There’s a little less glimmer and the applause meter decreases some. Horse should understand there’s no specific reason to grind to a sudden halt or quit the universal parade. It’s important to parlay those gains into permanent wealth. The Horse begins a new cycle and we know it must save its strength to maintain and not get left behind basking in past laurels.

The phoo-phoo and whimsical that takes place during the Year of the Goat should be enough to entertain the Horse when bored or blue and help distract the Horse from its imaginary problems. On the most part, if the Horse can ignore its own wants and disappointments, of which they might dwell on if the Horse falls into a depressive apathetic nature.

MADAM LOOS’ PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

GOATS

GALLANT GOATS

1907—1919—1931—1943—1955—1967—1979—1991

* * *

The Goat might possess the highest degree of raw human intelligence. If compared such smarts rank in the Chinese Zodiac.

Goats are blessed with lightning-quick comprehension. They rapidly calculate the feasibility of goals.

Another subtle example—they normally aren’t ones to make waves. They’re usually too bright to provoke unnecessary conflict for conflict’s sake unless . . . unless it’s in regard to their treasured sex appeal. . .

Goats enjoy being sexy, especially the males! You may have overheard a male Goat singing that “I’m too Sexy.”

At times they’re irresistible to the and their sex appeal is so overwhelming their act becomes obnoxious and gooey rather than juicy.

That, Jim Morrison, was ever-so sexy. So was that, James Dean. And do women swoon over, Mel Gibson, or what? Women swoon over the likes of, Robert DeNiro, Mick Jaggar and even the gritty-looking, Keith Richards.

Seems the Goat is the epitome of manliness. They take special delight being stylishly-disheveled, especially the males. You’ve seen them; unshaven, open shirt, no socks, faded corduroy, or shabby denim, yet they’ll be wearing a fine cologne. They insist upon name brands.

Female Goats have inert smarts. They would rather not be cast by the masses as all-that prominent. They’re bright enough to remain safely aloof, well insulated from the mounting pressures that accompany entrepreneurship, politics or whatever, including all the risky stuff involved when extending one’s chin.

Female Goats are basically happy and carefree on the surface. They don’t burden themselves with ambition, while eluding traps sneakily set in place for the rest of the rat race. Yet there is a brewing undertone, as if they’re not completely confident about their net worth, and with that it is as if they’re sometimes struck with a kind-of-paralysis, and if they don’t produce or perform in some manner they fear their talents might erode and weaken the bridges to success heading down the primrose path.

They’d rather operate from within smoke-filled rooms, whispering into the ears of the movers and shakers who trust their judgment. Others marvel how they shun the burdens of leadership. Truth is they’d rather be an affable house guest, watching TV, lying on the sofa and sampling what’s left over inside your fridge.

Simply, Goats situate themselves in the best positions in order to accomplish goals, pragmatic ones it’s not absolutely essential to win the race, just as long as they’ve finished in the money or they’re seated at the winner’s circle, the captain’s table, or possess a gold-embossed invitation to the President’s Inauguration Ball!

They’re economical and achieve most goals at absolutely no expense to themselves. Capable takers, the Goats make no bones when saying “thank you, and don’t mind if I do . . . ” in Goat sense, the resistance to take advantage of generous opportunity is considered no chore. “Please don’t hold it against them.” Madam Loo says, “Certain animal signs seem to always be on the receiving end. Proper accepting is a social grace. But make no mistake about it, they have somehow positioned themselves beforehand. We see them when they attain the status, yet we have no idea what may have occurred beforehand to the them there. Perhaps that is why they don’t burden themselves indebted to others. They stuck a deal.

The Goat’s burning passion is to have their art is eventually recognized, their words published . . . or singing voice recorded or them witnessing an original brainstorm come to life.

Those are Goat goals. Those are noble goals.

Yet to attain those goals, Goats will jump on an upsurging band-wagon, touting the ambitions of others. They worry more so about outcomes after the fact: that their goats achievements, families and wealth are secured, now, and in the future. They assume that the easiest route to achievement is by association with power brokers, the publisher, while strategically aligning themselves at the precise moment.

When not emotionally involved, Goats make wise advisors; an atmosphere they thrive in. Plus, that method of operandi alleviates them from personal responsibility. Focusing on other peoples problems eclipses some of their own misgivings taking place in their own lives.

“Hope Springs Eternal,” is one of the Goat’s “favorite sayings” and almost a mantra. Goats are eternal optimists with the notion that tomorrow will be a better day. The rosy promise of the future could make living worthwhile. Since they are always on their way to someplace or some state, Goats don’t focus on immediate future. that’s their whimsical ploy.

The exception might be, those who dedicate themselves to science. Goats who immerse themselves in complicated projects merrily jack-hammer away, them figuring stuff out, them designing and by them manipulating if need be, to solve that problem and make things work. Each successful step of the way bolsters the Goat’s courage.

Despite the fact they aren’t usually the ones to initiate action, rather than parlay someone else’s, they have a wanderlust while sometimes preferring life on the road. Schedules and routine aren’t part of a Goat’s agenda and we can guess they detest extra baggage.

Goats should keep a sharp eye out for family squabbles and what turns out to be socially debilitating conflicts that rise up with parents or siblings. Once feeling slighted they’re capable of turning a cold shoulder for the longest of times.

On the fun side, Goats love to frolic in a royal lifestyle, while swelling the ranks belonging to fat entourages. They follow footsteps and prop themselves on sturdy shoulders.

Where would Robert DeNiro’s career be without Martin Scorsese?

Michelangelo wooed the pope as his patron.

Christopher Columbus was backed by Queen Isabella.

Yet the ambition they flashed on the road to their conquests is never quite forgotten. If criticized or even sued by superiors or competitors, they take serious issue and potential adversaries should prepare to move three quick steps backwards from a Goat’s blistering counter attack.

In matters of others interfering or placing blame at the Goat, rather it be personal or business, they won’t give an inch. More than likely one’s ears will be peppered with: “It’s my life, and I’ll live it as I chose! . . ” They’ll remain obstinate and won’t listen. The Goat should try to remember what panache and brilliance got them there in the first place and bring those traits back into play, yet in the heat of the moment they seldom do.

If one needs the Goat or its slew of graces, remember, obstacles can only be hurdled after the storm times pass. Wait it out . . . But the Goat should be cautious about those who will counter attack. The Goat should double check all the reasons there’s to go to war.

Well, there you have part of it!

So if ya love ‘em, be on hand to patch them up when a fire-breathing Dragon or a wild Boar, or a pecking Rooster are finished having their way with them. Prepare yourself to nurse them back to adorability.

If a Goat meets defeat it’s not because their game plan wasn’t well-thought out. Something else happened, somebody got lazy or luck went bad. Sometimes it is a clash of personality.

Yet, their self-ambition is contagious and charismatic! They have the magnetic draw to pull others along with them.

Despite having Christopher Columbus and Marco Polo in their ranks, they don’t prefer playing the role of trail-blazer, because if things go awry, you probably have guessed, how they deal with pointed fingers. When accused, they’re able to discard fairness and compassion in order to reverse the tides and point the blame elsewhere. Similar to the Roosters, Goats are virtually impossible to persuade off their spot, especially if one attempts to employ the tools of argument or debate.

As for the personal and day to day, Goats are clinically clean, with tidy households, always remaining tastefully stylish. Their homes will be decorated with items like vases, with fresh cut flowers, a diner table laden with tasty fruits, or imported caviar, fine wines, champagnes topped off with scrumptious desserts. As for trend, they could lick the fancier labels right off the faces of a dump’s pile of tin cans.

They aren’t much for gambling.

Goats are quick to catch and appreciate dead pan humor.

They’re packed with nervous energy. Goat kids are usually fidgety, a hyperness that may linger into adulthood.

Similar to the Monkey, they prefer to envision a perfect world, having an annoying tendency when becoming critical during chaotic situations.

Poor Roosters are what they are. The Roosters usually wind up with all the money . . . but Goats without the occasional storms have all the fun.

When it comes to selling them, same as their Rooster cousin, Goats usually need to be won over. It’s up to the rest of us animals to set an example and dazzle them with both conventional and esoteric knowledge.

Goats admire potential benefactors after summing they are sincere. Goats lend themselves by offering striking testimonials regarding their adopted leaders and play their role as muse.

They’ll even pretend somewhat to have been hoodwinked if plans don’t pan out or they’re exposed ignoring the fact that they’ve permitted themselves to have been sold or fooled. Actually, the Goat could care less as long as the complete ruse and its outcome fitted somehow or some way into their personal needs and wants.

Once the ruse is exposed or no longer benefit to them, the Goat does what comes natural . . .just like the way the animal ones move from boulder to boulder, they jump and land on another.

Goats are masters at beating the system, regardless if scientific or social. Maybe that’s why they make convincing actors, not as prolific as the thespian Ox, but nevertheless, if playing the game of life, why not make it fabulously artistic.

Goats also make up some of the all-time great inventors and explorers. Madam Loo reminds us those icons in their fields needed benefactors so to foot the bill.

GALLANT GOATS

JACK ALBERTSON PAMELA LEE ANDERSON ROONE ARLEDGE

ARTHUR ASHE PEGGY ASHCROFT DONAVAN BAILY

JOE DON BAKER BALZAC, HONORE de ANNE BANCROFT

BORIS BECKER FRED BELINTIKOFF ALEXANDER GRAHAM BELL

JACK BENNY GEORGE BENSON ROBBY BENSON

WARREN BERGER CYRANO de BERGERAC STEVEN BOCHCO

BILL BRADLEY KINGMAN BREWSTER NIGEL BRUCE

FERDINAND BUJONES SANDRA BULLOCK GEORGE BURNS ANDREW CARNEGIE LESLIE CARON CERVANTES MICHAEL CIMINO CHEVY CHASE MARY HIGGINS CLARK KURT COBAIN NAT KING COLE DABNEY COLEMAN CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS BETTY COMDEN HARRY CONNICK JR. STEVEN CRANE JEFF DANNIELS DINO DE LARENTILIS JAMES DEAN JACK DEMPSEY CATHERINE DENEUVE

ROBERT DeNIRO LAURA DERN THOMAS EDISON

DANIEL ELLSBERG TOM EWELL CHOW YUN FAT

DODI FAYED FEDERICO FELLINI BOBBY FISCHER MALCOM FORBES BUCKMINSTER FULLER BILL GATES

MEL GIBSON WILLIAM GOLDMAN CUBA GOODING JR. MYCHAEL GORBACHEV KELSY GRAMMER ROBERT GRAVES

OSCAR HAMMERSTEIN SIR EDMUND HILARY RUTGER HAUER

ERIC IDLE BILLY IDOL JULIO IGLESIAS

IMAN L.L. COOL J JOE JACKSON

MICK JAGGAR JESSE JAMES STEVEN JOBS

JENNIFER JONES NORA JONES JANIS JOPLIN LARRY HAGMAN GEORGE HALAS FRIDA KALHO HENRY V KATHERINE HEPBURN NICOLE KIDMAN BILLIE JEAN KING BEN KINGSLEY WILLIAM KUNSTLER SUGAR RAY LEONARD FRANZ LISZT PAUL LUCAS YO YO MA MARILYN McCOO JOHN MAJORS MOSES MALONE GROUCHO MARX MALCOM McDOWELL VICTOR McGLAUGLEN MICHELANGELO SARAH MILES STEVE MILLER JONI MITCHELL JIM MORRISON TONI MORRISON RUPERT MURDOCH ARTHUR MURRAY BENITO MUSSOLINI JOE NAMATH RANDY NEWMAN MIKE NICHOLS LEONARD NIMOY OLIVER NORTH SINEAD O’CONNOR LAWERANCE OLIVIER CLEMENTE OROSCO CALVIN PEETE EVA PERON JUAN PERON 0 VALERIE PERRINE JOE PESCI SLIM PICKENS EZIO PINZA SALLY JESSIE RAPHEAL DAN RATHER KEITH RICHARDS GERALDO RIVERA JULIA ROBERTS GEORGES SERRAT GAYLE SAYERS PETE SEEGER WILLIAM SHATNER SAM SHEPARD WILLIE SHOEMAKER MARIA SHRIVER RONNIE SPECTOR JONATHAN SWIFT TONI TENNILLE BILLY BOB THORTON PIERRE TRUDEAU J.M.W. TURNER DESMOND TUTU MARK TWAIN RUDOLPH VALENINO JOAN VAN ARK CHRISTOPHER WALKEN BARBARA WALTERS JOHN WAYNE PHYLIS WHEATLEY BRUCE WILLIS DEBRA WINGER TOM WOLF STEVEN WRIGHT

GREAT BASEBALL PLAYING GOATS

ERNIE BANKS KEN BOYER JIM BUNNING

JACK CLARK BILL DICKEY JIMMY FOX

MARQUIS GRISSOM FERGENSON JENKINS TOMMY JOHN

DAVEY JOHNSON CHET LEMON KENNY LOFTEN

GREGG MADDOX MICKEY MANTLE EDDIE MATHEWS

WILLIE MAYS PAUL MOLITOR JOE MORGAN

JACK MORRIS LOU PINELLA VIC POWER

PEE WEE REESE JACKIE ROBINSON BABE RUTH

DEON SANDERS LONNIE SMITH MO VAUGHN

LARRY WALKER WILLIE WILSON

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR GOATS YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003 the Goat enters the Year of the Goat.

Often during a sign’s signature year the animal may assume, “this is my year!” All will be fantastic. Not necessarily true, Madam Loo says. Your signature year means it should be a significant year, your year, but facts are that anything can occur. Often animals have significant highs and lows during their year. One could hit the lottery or get eaten by a shark.

The Goat likes to think everything is covered for them by others and they often shun responsibilities. This year, the Goat cannot assume the “Is” are dotted and “Ts” are crossed. Lofty goals can never be achieved without planning and work. Sure, lightning strikes for good fortune, but Goats normally discover it was their earlier toil that has laid a foundation and that’s the basic route to success.

This year the Goat should assume nothing and if they work and stay focused there are decent chances events might pan out to their advantage, if not they are back to where they begun.

Personal relationships should improve this year. Silly squabbles that have persisted for years have a better chance of being cleared up. For Goats whose hearts have been empty of affection there is opportunity to have them filled with joy. Well maybe . . .

MADAM LOO’S PROFILES AND FORECAST IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

MONKEYS

MISCHIEVOUS MONKEYS

1908-1920-1932-1944-1956-1968-1980-1992

Do you have a sense of humor? . . Monkeys do. In their sense a hearty laugh or a subtle chuckle will do. Monkeys are serious about comedy. Those looking to tug on the Monkey’s heart strings can do so via the Humor. If humor doesn’t come to mind, just shell out cash a satisfying substitute.

Bugs Bunny creator, Tex Avery, laughs all the way to the bank. So does full-of-Monkey business, Hank Ketcham, the creator of Dennis the Menace.

Despite the fun stuff, there’s a gorilla’s worth of seriousness undermining their existence. It’s as if humor masks a Monkey’s true feelings, with them letting-on, laughing in the face of what might be manifesting in the real world. That’s how people often handle the aspect of death, isn’t it?

Them playing the righteous role of the stringent of idealist might be their cross to bear. Holding on to such beliefs handcuffs the Monkey with responsibility. Fact is, they would rather be swinging from branch-to-branch in play or leisurely travel.

The mix of humor and idealism sweetens the sometimes bitter reality of life. Humor acts as a protective layer. Idealism give them a torch to carry. But which one is it? Does imaginative humor kick in as a circuit breaker or is it the other way around when seeing the world as they desire?

No matter, both pave the way for the Monkey to deal with life. By employing both it is less likely the Monkey will become jaded. They’ll maintain their idealisms and move happily along. A Monkey’s life is a tree-branch existence that goes along with a lifetime’s worth of balancing.

It’s worthy to note . . . When an inadvertent monkey-wrench is thrown into the Monkey’s easy-going lifestyle, they deal with conflict accordingly. It’s not as if they really-really counted on what was rejected by the subjective gods, or that they suffer for ages from the loss of an opportunity. Life is usually just a big game to them.

Surprisingly, from what we normally witness on the surface, during nail-biting emergencies, it’s as if some other force takes hold with Monkeys remaining calm and taking action. They possess the mind-set of the Minute Man, answering the call like level-headed storm troopers.

At the sign of trouble, without second thought, they slam on the brakes, jump out of the car, scamper up ladders and carry people from burning buildings. Panic just isn’t part of a Monkey’s make up.

On the other hand . . . if one of their romantic relationships turns to vinegar, all of their cool-and-collected skills have a tendency to evaporate.

Prudent advice: It’s better to make quick amends with a Monkey if their feelings have been ruffled in the midst of love or war.

Like Goats and Roosters, Monkeys aren’t ones to take criticism lightly. During the coarse of such, they’ll sneer perhaps or wear a false smile, a gritty grin of “who cares?” a painful grin that they flash that they have no control over. Still by using their dead-pan humor it smooths over setbacks in an outright goofy manner—that often coats over the ugly side of life.

Over a lifetime what often crops up are decision-making crossroads. The Monkey has numerous crossroads in front of them and many of them focus on personal scruples. The Monkey is often tempted to take the easiest course. It’s a crucial junction. A Monkey “must” wield true grit, bear down and emphatically embrace the fact that honesty is the best policy. In the long run, truth surfaces, and all species eventually are exposed in truth’s web.

If calendars are current and correct, Jesus Christ was born during the Year of the Monkey. And if what the Christian world preaches is true, God created his son in his own image, along with physical and mental characteristics matching mans’.

Included in that make up is temptation. Temptation rose within Jesus and it is temptation that looms as the Monkey’s greatest challenge.

The most revealing light is shed upon the Monkey pertaining to those situations involving sexual indiscretion.

Monkey glands yearn. Add the opposite sex. The Monkey will play it out, even if they do so solely inside their minds. When in this mode things can become dicey. When in the throes of reality, choice one might-be the riskiest and the least wisest. Monkeys need to weigh those matters out and look ahead at what the repercussions of their actions might be.

Their realistic nature needs to seek absolute truth; to determine what’s best for all parties, but more importantly, what’s best and healthiest for that Monkey soul.

Monkeys, more than any other sign, need to seek that intangible that mandates which direction they should follow, or in what direction they should lead. Strong-minded Monkeys choose the proper path. A weak Monkey can sink the whole island.

Talk about crooks! Point-guard Maurice Cheeks posted a record-book’s worth of steals in professional basketball. Maury Wills, stole bases. Sticky finger impromptu performances by Bo Dereck, Rex Harrison and Liberace have stolen the show. The slights of hand by Monkey David Copperfield has audiences spellbound. We can’t ignore the likes of boxing promoter Don King and the arrogance of tax cheat Leona Helmsley.

Still back to the funny side, chocks of humor overflow from the works produced by; Ray Bradbury, Ruth Gordon, Danny Devito, Charles Dickens, Michael Franks and John Updike.

As children Monkeys flash sensational learning skills. They absorb information and are quick to make friends. Monkeys do find comfort and camaraderie within organizations. They make good soldiers. They excel in technical professions; and are known to be creative architects, precise draftsmen and caring medical specialists; professions insisting on total comprehension and picture-perfect preciseness.

Despite having fabulous close-quartered dexterity . . . during the day-to-day, we will discover that these creatures of fluidity are extremely clumsy. They accidentally break the glass ladle to your punch bowl, have fender benders and scratch the paint on the new car.

An immature sloppiness hinged to them as youths, especially pertaining to personal belongings. It isn’t that they languish in filth, but their room or work place can become disheveled shortly after its been straightened out.

As astute businessperson Monkeys swing fabulous deals and have the burning acumen to peel away layers of red tape while creating esoteric loop holes. They pen sensational pacts with other business-minded animals. Monkeys are species-blind and capable of succeeding with a spectrum of people not like themselves. Race, religion or persuasion aren’t roadblocks. They set a particular decorum as diplomats and statesmen. Their mathematics abilities add to their vast potential. Monkeys are methodical and persistent. Their vision, if ever launched, floats projects.

Similar to Goats, Monkeys aren’t usually trail blazers. They’re especially brilliant when they operate behind the scenes. They likely to choose a custom made adjutant to help them new projects. They’re a fabulous support group, King Makers they sometimes are, sought after by others in the topsy-turvey world for the fit and crafty.

Monkeys, maybe more than any other sign, respect the world’s thirst for knowledge and mind expansion. Within the mind is the playground for all creatures to mimic greatness and pursue wisdom. Same as other aggressive-natured signs like the Rat and Dragon, they’re master opportunists.

Once they set their goals, they go for it.

Next time you’re over a Monkey’s pad, checkout the reading material in the rest-room. Look for Mad Magazine.

BARREL OF MONKEYS

BELLA ABZUG DON AMECHE PATTI ANDREWS

JENNIFER ANISTON WALTER ANNENBERG PATRICIA ARQUETTE TEX AVERY

LEW AYRES RED BARBER RICK BARRY

RICHAR BELTZER MILTON BERLE HAILE BERRY

LARRY BIRD JAQUELINE BISSET HARRY BLACKMUN

LIZZY BORDEN VICTOR BORGE RAY BRADBURY

TONI BRAXON DAVID BRENNER DELTA BURKE

GARY BUSEY JOEY BUTTAFUCO ELLEN BURSTYN

LORD BYRON CAB CALLOWAY JIM CALPALDI

HARRY CAREY STEVE CARLTON JAMES CARVILLE

RAY CHARLES MAURICE CHEEKS ANTON CHEKOV

JESUS CHRIST MONTGOMERY CLIFT CHELSEA CLINTON

IMOGENE COCA ALTSTAIR COOK CAPTAIN COOK DENTON COOLEY MCCAULY CULKIN MARIO CUOMO

DAVID COPPERFIELD HOWARD COSELL RAY DAVIES

LEANARDO DAVINCI OSCAR DE LA RENTA JONATHAN DEMME

BO DEREK MARQUIS DESADE DANNY DEVITO

CHARLES DICKENS CELINE DIONE MICHAEL DOUGLAS

SAM ELLIOT CARRIE FISHER F. SCOTT FITZGERALD

IAN FLEMING MILOS FORMAN MICHAEL FRANKS

DENNIS FRANZ BETTY FRIEDAN ANDY GARCIA

PAUL GAUGUIN LILIAN GISH GEORGE GOBEL

BARRY GOLDWATER RUTH GORDON JOEL GRAY

MARVIN HAMLISH TOM HANKS REX HARRISON

LISA HARTMAN LEONA HELMSLEY ANITA HILL

DREW HILL JOHN LEE HOOKER KEN HOWARD

STONEWALL JACKSON EMIL JANNINGS LYNDON BAINES JOHNSON

K. C. JONES HANK KETCHEM GLADYS KNIGHT

PATTI LABELLE MATT LABLANC ESTEE LAUDER

TIMOTHY LEARY BARRY LEVINSON LIBERACE

NANCY LOPEZ GEORGE LUCAS ANNA MAGNANI

MIRIAM MAKEBA THURGOOD MARSHALL WALTER MATTHAU

SYLVIA MILES JOHN MILLS THELONIAS MONK

EARL MONROE JOE MONTANA WARREN MOON

PAT MORITA EDWARD R. MORROW RICHARD MULLIGAN

PAUL MUNI STAN MUSIAL JIM NABORS

CHARLES OSGOOD JACK PALANCE CHARLIE PARKER JOHN DOS PASSOS ANTHONY PERKINS POPE JOHN PAUL II TONY RANDALL MOLLY RINGWALD MICKEY ROONEY ELEANOR ROOSEVELT DIANA ROSS MICKIE ROURKE

MIKE ROKOYO BARRY SANDERS WILLIAM SAROYAN

BOZ SCAGGS TOM SEAVER MAX SENNETT

OMAR SHARIFF PHIL SIMMS SINBAD

DAVID SIQUEROS WILL SMITH SAMMY SOSA

ISAAC STERN JOHN PAUL STEVENS JIMMY STEWART

ROD STEWART STEVEN STILLS SLY STONE

LIZ TAYLOR HELEN THOMAS SOPHIE TUCKER

HARRY TRUMAN LANA TURNER JOHN UPDIKE

MAURY WILLS RICHARD WRIGHT PIA ZADORA ALFREDO ZALCE

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR MONKEYS YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003, the Monkey enters the Year of the Goat 2003.

There might be a lull in the action, so the Monkey senses there’s not enough hours in the day for the none-stop Monkey during the Year of the Goat. “Busy, busy, busy,” is what the Monkey might yelp, yet nothing is getting done. More than likely the Monkeys time will be taken up with personal matters, either theirs or someone else’s.

The Monkey might find itself doing lots of hand holding this year. Those close to the Monkey will often approach the Monkey to speak of their woes. They may want love, or have need for money. Actually, many requests could be surprising, unconventional, even far-out. The Monkey needs to weigh out each plead, determining priority or merit.

The Monkey would like to help and may even get involved, yet problems can be expensive to solve and Madam Loo is not just speaking of the outlaying of cash. The Monkey’s interference with issues, rather it be acting as go-between or an advice giver, could kick back on the Monkey having it find itself in an embarrassing or painful fix itself and here they were just supposed to be a sound board.

The more the Monkey can hide out and take the phone off the hook and put out the “Closed For The Season,” sign, the better off they might be in the lazy year of the Goat. You see, Monkey, some animals this year have nothing more to do than . . .

MADAM LOO’S PROFILES AND FORECAST IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

ROOSTERS

FEISTY ROOSTERS

1909-1921-1933-1945-1957-1969-1981-1993

Do you live far from the Holy Mount? . . . Is Mohammed nowhere to be found? . . Forgetting for the moment deities or whatever it is spiritual that people cling to, if one seeks human wisdom or someone to help soothe out some woes, and especially when it comes to common-sense issues; place one’s trust in the Rooster.

‘Oh, great, Guru, please show us the way!’

Ah, the Rooster might be the wisest sage, and perhaps not be a Rooster at all, but a wise Owl masked beneath a cocky disguise.

Roosters take action. When it comes to smarts, only the Goat possesses more of an abundance. In the chapter about Goats, Madam Loo tagged them as, “Impoverished Roosters.” All signs personalities run parallel to one another at one time or another or when involved in certain situations and these two animal’s lives often appear as similar on the surface. The difference might be that the Rooster becomes wealthier, yet the Goat has more fun.

Roosters do remain increasingly enterprising and expand their influence once they launch projects. Since birth they’re extremely curious and fascinated by technology and they are usually self motivated while wondering about by the very nature of things that has them pecking at the archives of knowledge, if anything, to investigate the ‘whys’ and ‘how comes?’ They usually do so on their own, or recruit protegees. Keenly interested, Roosters tinker, probe and importantly, they chronicle every step of the way, so to find their way back when they dismantle items like cuckoo clocks or the family lawn mower. “What tells the cuckoo it’s time to come out, and how does it do so?” wonders the Rooster.

They see their time as valued, maintain diaries based-on histrionics. They’ll add their personal slant on things to change long in the tooth views.

It’s not all high tech. Beneath a Rooster’s disconcerting exterior lies a people-caring blast furnace. What appears sometimes on the surface as a personality dormant and bland, is in all actuality, a bubbling-over volcano.

Roosters share esoteric knowledge. The barnyard handout isn’t always for everyone. Benefits coming one’s way by showing the employment of certain methods spoken of by the Rooster, may not may not have one shouting, “viola,” right off the bat and for the information delved out by them may take time . . . Besides, without the Rooster’s code, that can only be begotten from the Rooster, there’s no way to understand what the hell the Rooster is talking about. For the blind, what the Rooster spouts might sound ambiguous, and the thirst of the masses can’t be satisfied by what the Rooster has to offer. Yet many will be fulfilled.

They possess a watershed . . . a hidden spring, which needs to be unearthed,by those daring themselves to be enlightened. Those who sip and savor, rather than guzzle will be the benefactors. A Rooster’s resources are meant to enhance rather than sustain. Roosters insist subjects of their enlightenment remain planted in the present.

Rarely tricked, they’re apt to scrutinize with hair-splitting exactness.

Rooster communicate with all comers, from elevator operators to high rollers. But when it comes to dispensing knowledge they employ efficient, less, folksy-like tactics. They carefully choose their students.

In return they expect absolute loyalty.

At times, these mostly epicureans cut back on the high life and apply penny-pinching budgets, despite their apparent abundance of wealth. They’re thrifty. They only purchase at cost. Not as much of tight wad as the Rat, Roosters are renowned for unmatched generosity. Still, and make no mistake about it, when a Rooster is giving, they’re actually receiving. Unemployable? They strut to their-own life’s tune and usually run their own businesses or are independent sub contractors. They detest being commanded to do anything.

The crafty Rooster is forever calculating, and only chooses to leap over obstacles they’re confident they can hurdle. When they do decide to take a quantum leap; it’s to their liking and only when the time is right. Roosters don’t ‘throw caution to the wind!

Matters of the heart is another subject.

Sometimes obnoxious, cocks forget manners and they sometimes address others with cutting acerbity. They ask the hard ball questions. They play the devil’s advocate. They test all. On occasions they are actually being playful. Such behavior often is an excuse for critics to rise against them.

When dealing with our bird friend, one should forget about arguing! Roosters are usually impossible to convince with words. If there becomes a difference in opinion the issues more-than-likely will become muddled, ‘cause Roosters become hot under the collar and become frustrated their sound board doesn’t see things their way. Roosters don’t participate in level-headed debate. Voice opposition to their ideals one might find themselves in a clawing cockfight.

Most Roosters possess a barnyard’s worth of passion along with an enormous appetite for the good life. Hopelessly romantic they forget everything when their libido is stirred. They are totally in love, with the idea of being in love! The idea of “their” love is a magical potion in their world. Romance often leap frogs as a priority, even ahead of money making opportunities. When in the midst of lovey-dovey all else appears as trivial and minutia.

They heap on their love interests the finest of gifts, take them on cruises, only wine and dine at the finest establishments.

The word “vanity” is a labeled attribute. The reflection of their own likeness is an icon they can’t resist, that stems from their Narcissi personality. Even if considered unsightly, they’re able to flash an enticing mask of seduction while seeking their heart’s need .

Roosters, similar too Rabbits, taste runs the gambit and it leans towards the eclectic. Complex music, abstract art, diverse craftsmanship and a slew of diverse associates are savored and part of the Roosters entourage. They have an insatiable appetite for the off beat. They open their homes to one and all, as long as those attending have something worthwhile to contribute.

Roosters are capable of bringing along aspiring artists, rescuing them from cold rejection. They offer shelter, then nurturing, and then parlay those struggling peoples’ talents masterfully, placing those fancies of their interest under spotlight and wing.

Roosters publicize the merits of the meager towards other power brokers, doing so graciously. Roosters hoist protegees and see they go the distance.

On the most part Roosters are liberal-thinking people. Their slant on life—it’s not bird free? We find this flock as tireless champions for the preservation of personal freedom. They view outside-debilitating interference as the worst of obstacles. Snooping government agencies or nosy watch-dog regulatory commissions are looked upon with disdain, and as unwelcomed abutments that stifle enterprise.

Rather than being held at bay, they prefer fast action and smooth-running commerce while proudly perched as a barnyard foreman.

Roosters are systematic. They form efficient organizations and close-knit societies. They delegate wide-spanned authority and insist they’re kept abreast by subordinates. When the Rooster decides to move about, the rest hold up from what they’re doing, and then all dutifully fall in line to follow the cock as if he’s Pied Piper.

Oratory Roosters are quoted often. Benjamin Franklin and Thomas Jefferson, have bequeathed stirring, mind-opening utterances—words of wisdom and wit that will be echoed and printed throughout the ages.

In Chinese Astrology there are always pros and cons. Each animal sign wields unmatchable strengths and then falls to undesired weaknesses. It’s fixed to be a fair composite a nature of balance within the animal world.

When it comes to our Chanticleerish friend,s what’s desired for the Rooster, is exclusively orchestrated by the Rooster, and for the Rooster, so help me Rooster! When stymied by boundaries or the barn’s door, the Rooster becomes infuriated. Such curtailment upsets their idyllic nature. No rest shall come to the rest until the Rooster’s ego is soothed. Only then, for the good of all, things will be forgiven.

Women Roosters are vivacious, sexy, warm and especially encouraging. They flash sensational charms, and it’s no stretch for them to fasten their hypnotic focus directly upon their chosen target. When the Rooster unfolds those feathers it’s a delicious sight. Such a mustering of the physical seems to take place in the view of others like time-lapse photography. In slow motion, comes the swelling, with them becoming big bodied, so bold and so proud.

Other animal signs find themselves scrutinized by the bird’s eye. Those zeroed in on should ready themselves to be quizzed? At the same time they drip of panache and chutzpah.

When in need . . . seek out the heady Rooster. Odds are in the favor of those in need. There are but a pittance of senseless birdbrains stemming from the lineage of this flock and usually all cocks have something worthwhile to share. Listen closely to what’s percolating from within the Rooster. . . You shall become wealthier!

Be careful when selling them on your aspirations or woes. Do so with your heart and soul. Don’t forget, there’s the skeptical side of them which brews down deep. At first they might suspect your agenda may have ulterior motives.

If responses to you inquires seem as insensitive and you receive nothing other than a curt response, don’t take it as a brush off.

Often it’s essential to pester them for private audiences. With a Rooster’s aloofness, pinning them down is an art in itself. It’s not that they aren’t interested or concerned. They understand peoples’ plights and the urgency of matters. Yet in lieu of jumping into the fray, they hold back feelings and opinions and permit time for some stewing. Those instances of a Rooster’s self-imposed silence are in actuality so-much more.

Roosters seemingly deaf ear shouldn’t be misconstrued as a mean-spirited affront. Their slant: The Rooster’s silence can imply, that one’s wants and desires of those requesting, can come about without the Rooster landing a claw or uttering a crow. The lesson gained occurs without their assistance; and it’s a lesson in simplicity and they could predict how when the problem is solved those who were once in need will become more confident with their own problem-solving skills. The cured animals will then storm out towards the world “barking,” “oinking” and “he-hawing” while achieving their due, all due to the Rooster’s faith that they would eventually figure it out, making the victory belonging to the student of the Rooster so much more sweeter. With the self satisfaction the Rooster struts the barnyard proud of its mentor’s role.

As for benevolence . . . those reduced, on hands-and-knees, who no longer have the capacity to help themselves, will be on the receiving end of a Rooster’s helping hand

Madam Loo prefers during most instances not to match the romantic capabilities belonging to one animal sign towards another, especially when it comes to the possibility true love. It’s a sin to assassinate happiness.

Opposites attract and Madam Loo states often, how she would never deter an opportunity for lasting love because of this social science. Romance is something which should never be toyed with and the idea of placing any good-or-bad stumbling blocks in its path is considered by her as despicable, even Chinese Astrology.

Of course a Rooster will tell ya there are exceptions to every rule. Here goes, cover your ears my feathery friends if you wish, but take heed. Roosters, especially men, are sometimes crippled by an alluring fixation when it comes to Dragon women. There have been too many instances when a Dragon woman has taken advantage of the passions exuded by the big bird. My-oh-my-oh-my . . . some gooses can become thoroughly cooked . . . enough said.

FEISTY ROOSTERS

HANK AARON STEVE ALLEN DANNY ALLELO

LONI ANDERSON LUKE APPLING BENEDICT ARNOLD

EVELEN ASHFORD SAN SUU KYI AUNG FRANCIS BACON GENE BARRY F. LEE BAILEY JEAN BELMONDO ROBERT BLAKE BEN BRADLEE JIMMY BRESLIN

CUBBY BROCCOLI CHARLES BRONSON EUBIE BROWN

LeVAR BURTON STEVE BUSCEMI MICHAEL CAINE

ROY CAMPANELLA FRANK CAPRA ROD CAREW

JON CARLOS COCO CHANEL GARY COEN CHUCK CONNORS PAT CONROY ERIC CLAPTON ROY CLARK HENRY CLAY PUFFY COMBS

JOAN COLLINS RITA COLLIDGE KATIE COURIC ANDREW CUNANAN ROGER DALTRY GEENA DAVIS GLORIA ESTEFAN JERRY FALWELL LOUIS FARRAKHAN MIA FARROW WILLIAM FAUKNER BRETT FAVRE LOU FENDER ERROL FLYNN BEN FRANKLIN BETTY FRIEDAN BRENDA FRICKER EVA GABOR VITO GENEVESE KIRK GIBSON JOHN GLENN ROBERT GOULET STEFFIE GRAFF MELANIE GRIFFITH KEN GRIFFY JR. ELVIN HAYES ALEX HALEY GOLDIE HAWN DEBRA HARRY JOHN HEARD LINDA HUNT BURL IVES BIANCA JAGGER THOMAS JEFFERSON QUINCY JONES DIANE KEATON DEBRA KERR LARRY KING JERZY KOSINSKI GENE KRUPA MARTIN LANDAU MATT LAUER SPIKE LEE DANIEL DAY-LEWIS SHARI LEWIS SINCLAIR LEWIS JON LOVITZ LUCKY LUCIANO JANE MANSFIELD FREDRIC MARCH JOSEPH MANKIEWICZ BOB MARLEY STEVE MARTIN JAMES MASON JOHN MAYALL FRANCES McDORMAND KEVIN McHALE BURGESS MERIDETH BETTE MIDLER ART MONK ELIJAH MUHAMMAD WILLIE NELSON KIM NOVACK PETER O’TOOLE MEL OTT GEORGE PATTON DOLLY PARTON MICHELLE PFEFFIER ROMAN POLANSKI NATALIE PORTMAN EZRA POUND JASON PRIESTLY MARIO PUZO PAT RILEY DIEGO RIVERA SUGAR RAY ROBINSON JANE RUSSELL BILL RUSSELL DIANE SAWYER PAUL SCOFIELD CARLY SIMON TOM SKERRET BUBBA SMITH KENNY STABLER BART STARR PAYNE STEWART JACQUELINE SUSANNE JESICA TANDY DONNA THEODORE PETE TOWNSEND JOHN TURTURRO JOHNNY UNITIS EARL WILSON FLIP WILSON HENRY WINKLER TOBIAS WOLFF JOHN WOODEN BRIGHAM YOUNG NEIL YOUNG

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR ROOSTERS YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003 the Rooster enters the Year of the Goat.

The Rooster will mostly play the role of the amused observer in most situations it finds itself to during Year of the Goat. Actually the Rooster may be better off staying on the sidelines. Over involvement can sap the Rooster’s energy and its usually razor-sharp attention span. This is the perfect year for the Rooster to take a personal interest in itself, not its ego, but its overall make up and especially attention should be paid to family.

Health, fitness, self education and by fortifying personal relationships the Rooster will enhance its over all being. Ridding itself of what have become bad habits and poor choices, that may have become repeated behavior, is the choice the Rooster can choose this year. Because of a slow down in activity the Rooster can focus on the essentials of life.

MADAM LOO’S: PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

DOGS

FLAMBOYANT DOGS

1910-1922-1934-1946-1958-1970-1982-1994

The Dog! Flamboyant? Brooding? Argumentative? Explosive? Theatrical tricksters? Could those be the characteristics of man’s best friend? Sounds as if one should heed the sign, “Beware of Dog!”

Despite those rubs Dogs are full of panache and they’re absolutely irresistible. Madam Loo has said she never met a Dog she didn’t love. with them appearing even more appealing while sniffing their carefree way towards the ends of the Earth.

Dogs dig up the unknown with such intrigue. There’s a hint there could be danger! That’s another irresistible.

A notable virtue belonging to our noble watch dog: They can be trusted til the end . . . except perhaps when dealing with matters pertaining to the heart.

If that’s the case . . . it had better be you or I who’s on guard. Their dogged determination is relentless, especially if they’re pursuing who might be your significant other or the heart of the-one who used to belong to you.

They’re hopelessly starry-eye itching to be swooped away with a gravy-train’s worth of romance. Such puppy-love cravings can permanently afflict them for a dog’s age.

Physically, Dogs are most attractive. Add to their good looks a certain flair, a special knack to accessorize to the umpteenth degree. The Poodles are definitely trend setters.

Perhaps their knit scarf drapes them more like a Christmas ornament rather than a guard against winter’s bite. Marmaduke might get away with wearing berets, sporting ascots, or cloaked in a cape. Lassies can don shoes designed for boys, or visa versa.

Do you know any?

Haven’t you admired that moxie, seeing them sitting there with their hat so strategically tilted at the perfect angle?. . . Oh, it’s so chic.

Those belonging to other sings of the Chinese zodiac trying to pull off such fashion statements might appear to look down-right ridiculous.

It’s true, Dogs possess a distinct chutzpah. Elvis had it. . . . What about Zsa Zsa, Houdini, Cher, David Bowie, Madonna, Michael Jackson and Prince? We remember the singing group Queen’s Freddie Mercury prancing the stage in flamboyant fashion. Ozzy Osbourne rips it up and Winston Churchill constantly flashed his stogie and top hat.

What else makes them so enchanting? Perhaps it’s the dog’s ingrown humbleness, acting as if they don’t have a clue about their net worth and value, or they may not be cognizant about their vast contribution towards the community. It’s as if they are completely oblivious to their own desirability. It’s refreshing how a certain modesty manifests from within the Dog, and that modesty rises above conceit. It’s apparent when they’re showered with accolades a fundamental modesty prevails.

Other signs aren’t always willing to heap high praise upon them. ‘Beware Toto,’ ignorant rubes are jealous of the Doggie who’s been to both Oz and Kansas. Those jealous need to be growled at and scared off.

The Dog should remain on guard against those apt to hound them. Beware, Fido, detractors can come from anywhere, any time and the scallywags crop from the ranks of any sign even their own.

Doggies come in all sizes, tall and short, petite and robust, quiet and drooling. Sir Thomas Moore once stated, “To love me you must love my hounds.”

Fortunately for them, Dogs don’t always peer that far ahead. The Dog just moves from place to place with no map keeping its sniffing nose close to the ground or a hind leg up while creating a trail.

Despite good fortune Dogs have a tendency to rock the boat. They become arbitrary and disenchanted, especially with partners, children or parents.

Reggie Jackson, the baseball slugger, had public squabbles with New York Yankee owner, George Steinbrenner and other out in the open beefs with manager Billy Martin.

Ille Nastase, the tennis player, was tagged as, “Nasty,” often flashing a cantankerous disposition. Film maker, Oliver Stone, has always played the provocatuer with Hollywood studios. And how ‘bout, Donald Trump, with his bark and junk-yard manners? As much as we love them our Dogs can be mean.

It’s only fair to praise how Dogs are generous. They’re charity oriented and the kind-hearted pooches are suckers for the Styrofoam-cup, flea-bitten crowd. They do reach out to their fellow man. Madam Loo insists, regardless of there grouchy side, that they are man’s best friend and perhaps mankind’s best and last hope!

Loyalty: The Dog’s master’s dogma or goals do not matter to them. They separate themselves from the philosophy and just do the job. A good Dog will stay true to someone like the director of the FBI, or a ruthless Mafia don—or as a guard to the pope, or protect the anti-Christ. You see, they’re in for the duration. It’s not so important whose side they’re affiliated with as long as they have someone to watch over. They pay no special reverence towards symbols, crowns or colors. It’s just paramount in their Dog sense that they need to belong.

Yet too often, just after they’ve achieved goals they’ve clawed for, Dogs reverse their jubilance, and they’re able to become suddenly blue. Perhaps all the enthusiasm and competency was flashed while getting there. Once they’ve achieved or sensed the finality of the hunt there’s a tendency for mutts to become bored. Even worse, they could become depressed and not aspire to again become top dog. Rover must stay busy and careful not to get trapped in the kennel of their own achievements. ‘Think of poor Elvis.’

Their desires and fantasies or limitless. Naturally their thirst for adulation and applause remains paramount. Actually in a Dog’s logic, it’s more therapudic than egotistical, so go ahead and spoil a puppy.

Partners belonging to these fascinating animals need to prepared with Bow-wows constant need for being both stroked and disciplined . . . Remember they shouldn’t be fenced in and should be afforded proper exercise and purpose, and given most of the lounging room up on the sofa. The megalomaniac insists on proper grooming and proper attention especially during rainy days.

One of their inbred properties is that they are clear headed about justice when called upon to determine and know the difference between right and wrong; they make impartial judges and are straight talking arbitrators. It’s said they make up a large percentage of CEOs of Fortune 500 companies.

The Dog down deep is the consummate rebel and a sometimes trouble maker. Attaching themselves to strongly-led affiliations enables them to become less irritable and more harmonious. Once they’re hooked up, either with the right mate, the correct mentor, or an astute business partner, their fortunes will grow. If not, they could become dangerous wild and archaic ala Charles Manson and Ted Bundy. Doggies should never be left alone!

Their heart is always in the right place—it’s just that their bark keeps getting them into trouble. Opinionated, beautiful, powerful, blindly-loyal, alert, trendy canines are what they are.

CRY OF HOUNDS

BUD ABBOTT ANDRE AGASSI IGNACIO ALLENDE

CHRISTIANE AMANPOUR KOBI AMIN JACK ANDERSON SPARKY ANDERSON LUIS APARICIO ANITA BAKER BRIGETTE BARDOT ALLEN BATES HANK BAUER DAVID BEN-GURION BILL BIXBY HARRY BLACKSTONE JR. BILL BLASS BOBBY BONDS PAT BOONE JOHN WILKES BOOTHE DAVID BOWIE HELEN GURLEY BROWN THEODORE BUNDY TIM BURTON GEORGE W. BUSH

KATE BUSH SID CAESAR ALEXANDER CALDER RORY CALHOUN NAOMI CAMPBELL AL CAPONE MARIAH CAREY PIERRE CARDIN HOPALONG CASSIDY PAUL CEZANNE CHER WINSTON CHURCHILL ANDREW DICE CLAY ROBERTO CLEMENTE VAN CLIBURN BILL CLINTON GEORGE CHAKIRIS CONNIE CHUNG TY COBB JACQUES COUSTEAU SCATMAN CROTHERS TYNE DALY RODNEY DANGERFIELD ALVIN DARK DIZZY DEAN ELLEN DEGENERES JOAN DIDION SAM DONALDSON EMILIA EARHART BLAKE EDWARDS BRYON EPSTEIN JAMIE FARR SALLY FIELDS ROLLIE FINGERS A. J. FOYT REDD FOX ROBERT FROST ZSA ZSA GABOR AVA GARDNER JUDY GARLAND GEORGE GERSHWIN BOUTROS-BOUTROS GHALI FRANK GORSHIN AL GREEN MEAN JOE GREEN HANK GREENBERG ARSENIO HALL ERIC HEIDEN RICKEY HENDERSON TOMMY HERNS HARRY HOUDINI JUDY HOLLIDAY HOLLY HUNTER EUGENE IONESSCO MICHAEL JACKSON REGGIE JACKSON SHIRLEY JONES SONNY JORGENSON NAOMI JUDD AL KALINE OSKAR KOKOSHKA NORMAN LEAR JENNIFER LOPEZ

SOPHIA LOREN LOUIS XVI MADONNA NORMAN MAILER CHARLES MANSON CHEECH MARIN ROGER MARIS SHIRLEY MACLAIN ` W. SOMERSET MAUGHAM GEORGE McGOVERN GOLDA MEIR FREDDIE MERCURY MATT MILLEN KATE MILLETT HAYLEY MILLS LIZA MINNELLI CHARLIE MINGUS HENRI MOORE MOTHER TERESA BILL MOYERS RALPH NADER ILLE NASTESE LUTE OLSEN ED O’NEAL OZZY OSBOURNE MICHAEL OVITZ REGIS PHILBIN RIVER PHOENIX SYDNEY POLLACK ELVIS PRESLEY PRICILLA PRESLEY PRINCE GILDA RADNER JASON ROBARBS PAUL ROBESON EVA MARIE SAINT MIRA SORVINO YITZHAK RABIN SABU SADE NORMAN SCHWARZKOPF WILLARD SCOTT JOE SEWELL SIR EARNEST SHACKLETON MAGGIE SMITH SYLVESTER STALLONE KENNETH STARR ROBERT LOUIS STEVENSON OLIVER STONE SHARON STONE LEON SULLIVAN DONALD SUTHERLAND LAWERANCE TAYLOR DONALD TRUMP UMA THURMAN TANYA TUCKER JIM VALVANO GIANNI VERCESE KURT VONNEGUT EDITH WHARTON BILL WHITE PRINCE WILLIAM PETER WOLFE JAMIE WYETH

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR DOGS YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 1, 2003 the Dog enters the Year of the Goat.

The inactivity of the year annoys the Dog to a degree, who’s poised and always ready for the hunt. Yet more than likely there won’t be a hunt for the Dog during Year of the Goat. The previous year was a fast paced year and the Dog may regret it didn’t take advantage of the action and they could become morose as if they’ve missed out.

Brooding about the past or missed opportunity could create a distempered Dog, and will only make matters worse.

Instead, the Dog should evaluate its status, plan for time to come and align itself with those it respects.

The Dog might count its blessing that no great catastrophes are on the horizon and the worse that can happen is the Dog berating aloud or beating itself up and then turning its wrath on others. The Dog has to be extra careful to look at the positive aspects of things during Year of the Goat

MADAM LOO’S: PROFILES AND FORECASTS IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

PIGS

DYNAMIC PIGS

1911—1923—1935—1947—1959—1971—1983—1995-2007-2019

Here’s the secret weapon, the very last sign. They sit in the back of the class, shy perhaps, and unsure of themselves. Pigs rarely sweep people off their feet at first glance with no initial apparent brilliance and there’s rarely that flash of that new, store-bought luster. Because of shyness, they refrain, so therefore on the most part Piggies are ignored. It isn’t until one peers deeper. And the deeper the inspection into the Pig’s persona, the less is found, yet don’t be fooled, because there’s an certain distinct intangible which begins to be recognized regarding the gallant Pig.

Very simple, yet very complex, with Pigs possessing embedded kernels of wide-spread knowledge. Once they realize they’ve been discovered, they blossom, shoots! they bubble over, enabling them to disregard that once shyness. The acceptance breeds confidence and become gregarious, holds court and dazzle audiences articulating the nuts and bolts which link together an array of diversified subjects. Still though, if one delves further into the verbose Pig and questions them in-depth, they’ll find the acquired knowledge is just that, a cornucopia of the trivial—as if they rented such tidbits of conversation, like a tuxedo, for an engaging evening. Much of what the Pig spouts is somewhat superficial. For the record: They know a little bit about everything and a whole lot about nothing!

Madam Loo, who herself is a Pig, as is your author, says they possess a broad understanding about multiple subjects, but in most instances they refrain from dedicating themselves to a particular specialty. This scatter gun thirst for knowledge actually stifles the diversified Pig from becoming a precise practitioner. Maybe it’s because Piglets enormous appetites for facts has them nibbling on the branches of many subjects. Without guidance they tend to mentally wonder. Gullible! That too is an endearing quality, yet too often their friendly nature is turned against them.

Those Oinkers who do survive the trials and tribulations attempting to accommodate the whims of others with a Pig’s penchant to please, actually hones their senses of good judgement and has them becoming wiser. Yet, that’s only if they survive. Mature Pigs may harbor an inner skepticism. As the Pig shields its feeling well enough, no one will notice. The Pig would never dare get into someone’s face and make a challenge. They’ll stay quiet; they’ll listen and then formulate a set opinion within their own wits, wisely determining if they’re dealing with friend or foe. Once confident they aren’t about to be served on a stick the Pig is lovable and earthy.

Pigs will make the targets of their affection or sales pitch laugh and laugh and laugh and are quick to bond. They’re steadfast. When their allies face enemies, and even when the rest of the barnyard have long deserted, the Pig will remain fierecly loyal.

Look around, when the chips are down, check out who’s still at your side. Pigs will probably be there along with the loyal Dogs. During the last days of the Third Reich, while Hitler and his cronies were hidden away in the bunker, it would make sense that Nazi Pigs held out to the end, long after the rest deserted their Fuhrer, unlike Rats who would have high tailed long before.

Often they appear as easy marks. It’s essential that Pigs align themselves with good counsel and those who have their interest at hand. Goats, Tigers, Rabbits and Horses seem to have the Pig’s interest at hand. It’s also possible the Rooster can be on the same wave length, but only if there is bounty in it for the bird. In many cases, Rat, Dragon or Snake won’t make a move to look out for the Pig. The rest of the barnyard may act ambivalent. The Pig is considered as the most vulnerable of signs, yet one of the most fortunate and jealousy does run through the animal world.

Remember, despite their sturdy stance, their endurance and pure hearts, in so-many ways they are not strong themselves.

Then take into account, how during trying times, we’re propped up by them and brought to our feet and marvel as they gloriously rise to the occasion and display unwavering valor for our sake as well as theirs. You see, even if ignored by the masses they worry for us all.

Folklore tells that the Pig almost missed out. Like the rest of the animals they were penciled in to be on the receiving end from Buddha. The Pig was so preoccupied, seeing that other animals had their audience with Buddha . . . it almost lost out on its own personality almost permitting Buddha to depart without having their turn.

Remember the passive Pig is polar regions apart from the habitat of that ruled by the aggressive Rat. I don’t know how many Pigs went down on the Titanic but their casualties surely were higher than the Rat.

Then similar to the Tiger, there’s something inherently sad about the Pig. A tinge of gloom lingers beneath the surface. It’s as if our Pig friend is frightfully hip about their opulent side that wallows in a pessimistic mud. Despite the talents, despite the good fortune, and despite all that can be found that’s nice and wonderful . . a Pig’s a Pig!

Without guidance or a sense of loyalty, stemming from those who recognize the Pig’s fabulous potential—their eventual future can more-than-likely be muddled, or worse, doomed.

Don’t fret. The negative setbacks and ebb tides can be turned into their favor, that’s if a Pig puts his or her hoof down. Our sow must recognize the envelopes of opportunity and possible allegiances, take command, become sternly pragmatic, stay clear-headed, and focus on the objective, and most-importantly, protect what is rightfully theirs.

Bear in mind, Pigs are known to have difficulty saying “No.” They prefer to say ‘yes.’ They say “Yes” to just about all requests, large and small, from friends and family. They say ‘yes’ to strangers, even enemies, perhaps to be forgiven or just to be accepted. They’re a ‘yes’ machine. They become forever enticed, that’s one reason they find difficulty refusing that last drink or the last roll of the dice, or the last chance for romance . . . That final at bat could become either their salvation or ruination. They know and sense such defining resolution. Still they can’t help or stop themselves.

They’re hopeless romantics envisioning being swooped away in a blissful love, a romance that may only exist within their piggy scope of things. When their passion surfaces, it rises to a degree not often witnessed from the likes of other signs. They love hard. They love deep.

Rarely does the bed of roses manifest and the Pig should save themselves and choose carefully when thinking about such quests, especially those pertaining to the heart, and do so only if there is merit. Rather than just rushing in, the Pig should wonder a plenty, scrutinize and make sure those beckoning branches on those inviting trees are visible through the camouflage which screens the forest of disillusionment. For those Pigs linked to a mate, it just may be a better idea to remain satisfied and do their best remaining content with their earlier-chosen mate.

Henry VIII would have been treated more gently in history’s eyes had he done so. O.J. Simpson may have been believed.

The Pig dabble in a myriad of interests. Once they get rolling, and a specific subject gains their interested, they have the ability to dazzle and fascinate listeners. Besides their ability to make money, their flamboyant gift for gab might be their most alluring aphrodisiac.

More than any other sign, the Pig has virtually no enemies. The exception: those born under the sign of the Snake.

Pigs will attempt to sidestep conflict at all costs, but if they do get unnerved, and do sense mean-spirited betrayal, or feel the threat from eminent danger, there is not a more-dangerous sign. If their slow fuse ignites losing their temper . . . run for the hills because their wrath can be ultra severe and everlasting.

Woman belonging to the sign of the boar are many times towers of strength, especially towards their men. Instances of Nancy Reagan and Hillary Clinton are chronicled. Again, they are loyal beyond belief.

Madam Loo has two pieces of advice for the dynamic Pig! . . . Number one: When a Pig shouts, nobody listens! . . Number two: Pigs should avoid the so-called halls of justice at all cost.

It’s virtually impossible for a Pig to gain sympathy in a court of law or a court of life for that matter, therefore, a jury of their peers or someone sitting in judgment may not feel compelled to act sympathetic towards their plea—or towards their cause. It’s hard to pity a super star who possesses diverse dynamics.

To their credit, those born in the year of the Pig are able to arrange and rearrange situations and place a custom spin on things making drastic change to what’s perceived as set-in-stone methods and principles. They come up with rarely-thought-of angles. They reinvent the wheel, able to come up in what seems like an effortless attempt, with clever innovative breakthroughs. Pure Pig power propels. The Pigs ranks swells with firsts and first timers. For instance, the impossible occurred when Doctor Christian Bernard completed the first heart transplant, and Alan Shepard was the first American in space, and we can’t forget that track star, American Olympian, Richard Fosbury, who raised the bar and changed track and field’s high-jump event forever with his innovative Fosbury flop, a new tactic and event-altering jump, having his body going over the bar backwards with his face gleaming towards the sky.

Pigs prefer a quiet life, surrounded by friends. They’re apt to become closer with friends than family. We’re more than likely to find the Pig bonding with those having large families.

Remember, don’t judge them coming out of the gate. Pigs prefer to run marathons and not sprint. Frank Shorter, Billy Rogers, Jim Ryan are examples of long distance runners. How does one spell, Lance Armstrong? Their rank is filled with dynamos who have excelled, yet there’s a list of hard luck losers that can wring your heart. some might say they are built more for comfort than speed.

Madam Loo says that the best profession for a Pig might be to be King or Queen, but they have to watch out that their subjects don’t get tired of them and send them off to the slaughterhouse.

DYNAMIC PIGS

BRYAN ADAMS DON ADAMS JASON ALEXANDER

GROVER ALEXANDER WOODY ALLEN GREG ALLMAN

HERB ALPERT WALTER ALSTON IAN ANDERSON LYNN ANDERSON JULIE ANDREWS FATTY ARBUCKLE

NATE ARCHIBALD LANCE ARMSTRONG ROSSANA ARQUETTE BEA ARTHUR FRED ASTAIRE RICHARD ATTENBOROUGH PAUL AUSSIER JANE AUSTEN BABY FACE LUCILLE BALL BOB BARKER DAVE BARRY PETER BARTON MIKHAIL BARYSHNIKOV MEREDITH BAXTER ANN BEATTIE JOHNNY BENCH DR. CHRISTIAN BAARNARD BISMARK HUMPHRY BOGART CAMILLA PARKER BOWLES SONNY BONO BOB BOONE ALBERT BROOKS BRYAN BROWN JAMES CAGNY JAQUELINE CARTER MARC CHAGAL PADDY CHAYEFSKY LOU CHRISTINE CHRISTO HENRY CISNEROS TOM CLANCY CLEOPATRA HILLARY CLINTON GLENN CLOSE LEE. J. COBB CHARLES COBURN EDDIE COLLINS ALICE COOPER BRODERICK CRAWFORD HARRY CREWS OLIVER CROMWELL BEN CROSS HUGH CROYN JOSE CRUZ BILLY CRYSTAL XAVIER CUGAT JANE CURTIN GEORGE CUSTER TED DANSEN ALAN DELON JAMES DICKEY SHANNON DOHERTY BOB DOLE PHIL DONAHUE RICHARD DRYFUS MARCEL DUCHAMP CHARLES DURNING DUKE ELLINGTON RALPH WALDO EMERSON FARRAH FAWCETT EDNA FERBER CARLTON FISK MALCOLM FORBES JR. HENRY FORD RICHARD FOSBURY BOB GIBSON DAVID GILMORE DANNY GLOVER WILLIAM GOLDING IVAN PUDGE GONZALES DEXTER GORDON JEFF GORDON CHARLES GRODIN WILLIAM RANDOLPH HEARST

JOSEPH HELLER ERNEST HEMINGWAY DON HENLEY DOUG HENNING HENRY VIII BARBARA HERSHEY MIGEUL HIDALGO CONRAD HILTON ALFRED HITCHCOCK PAUL HORNING CHET HUNTLEY KING HUSSEIN SIR JULIAN HUXLEY PIERCE HYDE JOE JACKSON KAREEM ABDUL JABBAR MAHALIA JACKSON ELTON JOHN OLIVIA NEWTON-JOHN MAGIC JOHNSON RAFER JOHNSON WALTER JOHNSON VERNON JORDAN FLORENCE GRIFFITH JOYNER CARL JUNG CHIANG KAI-SHEK JACK KEMP VAL KILMER STEPHEN KING NASTASSJA KINSKI

HENRY KISSINGER KEVIN KLINE DAVID KORESH SANDY KOUFAX MIKE KRYZYZEWSKI JOHN LARROQUETTE CHARLES LAUGHTON PETER LAWFORD JERRY LEE LEWIS RICHARD LEWIS DAVID LETTERMAN SANDRA LOCKE KENNY LOGGINS WAYNE D. LUCAS JEFF LYNNE PETE MARAVICH ROCKY MARCIANO MARIE ANTOINETTE MARCEL MARCEAU JOHNNY MATHIS DAVID MAMET JOHN McENROE ED McMAHON JIM McMAHON MEATLOAF MIDORI ANN MILLER JOHNNY MILLER KEITH MOON JOE MONTAGNA DUDLEY MOORE THURMAN MUNSON CALVIN MURPHY SAM NEILL

VLADIMIR NABOKOV LAURA NYRO PAT O’BRIEN GEORGIA O’KEEFE JENNIFER O’NEIL JERRY ORBACH MERLE OBERON EDWARD OLMOS EUGENE ORMANDY ANNA PAQUIN LUCIANO PAVAROTTI LIFFANT PINKAY

GARY PLAYER JIM PLUNKETT JACKSON POLLOCK

ANNE PROUIX TITO PUENTE DAN QUAYLE PRINCE RAINIER NANCY REAGAN RONALD REAGAN LEE REMICK FRANK ROBINSON JOHN D. ROCKEFELLER BILL RODGERS CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ GINGER ROGERS WILL ROGERS JIM RYAN NOLAN RYAN WINONA RYDER FRANCOISE SAGAN RYNE SANDBERG CARLOS SANTANA TELLY SAVALIS ART SCHELL ALLEN SHEPARD CLAUDIA SCHIFFER SELINA FRANK SHORTER O. J. SIMPSON ROY RODGERS PETE SAMPRAS ANN SOUTHERN LIZ SMITH KEVIN SPACEY STEVEN SPIELBERG DANIELLE STEELE CAT STEVENS TAMAYO ROBERT TAYLOR EMMA THOMPSON CHERYL TIEGS TIFFANY LAWRENCE TISCH IRVING THALBERG BILL TOOMEY DIEGO VELAZQUEZ E.B. WHITE HANK WILLIAMS SR. TENNESSEE WILLIAMS JAMES WOODS KRISTIE YAMAGUCHI WEIRD AL YANKOVICH WARREN ZEVON

MADAM LOO’S FORECAST FOR PIGS YEAR OF THE GOAT 2003

On February 19, 2015 the Pig enters Year of the Goat.

During the Year of the Horse events and circumstances for the Pig began to fall in its favor. Pig projects and setting the foundations have been under construction for sometime and the Pig was beginning to wonder if anything would pan out. Glints of a finality arose all last year. the fast pace of the Horse had the Pig stretching its short legs but once getting going it felt good and exhilarating for the Pig to get going.

In the Year of the Goat, the Pig can parlay the modest gains from last year into something more ambitious. It’s hard for the Pig to fathom but this year could be the beginning of a streak, a Pig’s roll and Madam Loo knows how they have waited long enough for this type of atmosphere to manifest itself.

Nothing is out of the Pig’s reach this year, regardless if it is enterprise, competitive sport or art, or even a fulfilling romance. Enjoy the year Pig because you more than anyone realizes how everything is cyclical.

MADAM LOO’S PROFILES AND FORECAST IN CHINESE ASTROLOGY

Writings, commentaries, scripts from Journalist, Essayist, Novelist, Screenwriter, Playwriter Lou Christine, Philadelphia & Hawaii, Brah, and San Miguel de Allende, Mexico!